Rancid Milk

Long time, no see

2005-08-12T15:15:00.000-07:00

Been a while, dudes. I've been to concerts, been depressed, and have especially been bored. That's my summer.

Also, I've fucked up a lot in terms of keeping certain friendships, but I won't go into that right now.

Anyway, I haven't had much computer access, since mine at home is down, and I only get on one when I'm at Kyle's. But yeah, I'm still writing, so I suppose that's good.

Well, it's been good to see you all again. Just letting you know I'm still alive. For now.

Heartbroken

2005-06-24T17:51:00.000-07:00

Christina's over me. It hurts too much. I moaned and cried myself to sleep, and woke up crying as well. It's the worst feeling I've ever experienced. It's so intense, so unnaturally awful, that I can't say much more than that without sounding like I'm ranting.

Luckily, I have such a great friend as Kyle. With his words, he brought me out of the gutter and set me firmly on the bustling sidewalk of reality. He's the best friend a friend could have, and I love him to death. I will have to move on, and Christina's already made her decision as to what she'll do. She wants to "experiment", to experience more relationships, and then, in time, maybe she'll come back to me, a wiser person. I hope that she does, because she's the most amazing girl in the world and right now I can't picture myself with anyone else.

So I'm trying to dull the pain by exploring, myself. Since Kyle has recently undergone the same terrible reality as I have, we are both in the same boat, and so we're looking for girls. No serious relationships; just some fun. Intermingling with the opposite sex is probably the one thing that completely kicks everything else out of your mind, and that's exactly what I need right now, because I can't take the pain.

***

I got back from Mexico. Nice trip, lots of cool experiences, but heartbreaking poverty, which I won't go into at this moment.

When I got back I awarded everyone's existence with a small souvenir. They all seemed moderately happy. I still have to give Christina her presents, one which happens to be rather expensive. I don't know if I could give it to her right now, and the thought of seeing her wrenches my heart.

When I got back, I was also awarded, but not for my existence, but for my seemingly existent talent in the craft of word: my first check for my first published story. Along with it came a nice note from the editor. It feels good. I think I'll frame it and hang it up on my wall. Anything that will make me happy right now I all but take for granted.

In other writing news: Got several rejections, and I'm sad to report that "I Was a Teenage Feline" will not be appearing in the Twisted Cat Tales anthology. Bummer. But I have to keep going. I need to stay focused, or the pain will come back.

And it's too much for me to bear.

Oh. My. God. I'm. In. Love. With. A. Super. Model.

2005-06-11T15:56:00.000-07:00

I don't think that needs any explanation.

I told you Christina was the love of my life. You and your doubts.

Writing

2005-06-08T14:17:00.000-07:00

Got a rejection on my fantasy story "What War Brings" from Byzarium Magazine. The editor was very friendly, liked my story but had to reject it because of the awesome quality of several other submissions, and is also from Sacramento, and invited me to come to the Star Struck Con next month.

So I just sent "What War Brings" over to Tales of the Talisman Magazine. Should be getting a reply in about a month.

I'm also expecting a final decision from Esther Schrader, the editor of Twisted Cat Tales, on my dark horror-humor story "I Was a Teenage Feline." Last time I checked, I'd made the short list, but have yet to find out whether I made the final cut.

There are also about five other stories and two flash stories I'm awaiting decisions from various editors on.

Writer's adrenaline. Gotta love it.

Forgot:

2005-06-04T16:22:00.000-07:00

http://rembrandtandcompany.com/Ian%20Kappos.htm - My published story.

http://bluemondaypress.com/unhallowedsanctum/issues.htm - Where you can buy Unhallowed Sanctum's first issue. It contains fiction from: Kevin James Miller, Steve Grene, Wendy Washburn, Ian Kappos, Bruce P. Frost, and Kyle Pate.

Enjoy both!

And thanks again to all of you for being so supportive.

Hola

2005-06-04T16:11:00.000-07:00

...from Mexico. That's right, folks. I write to you from a computer in a hotel in a sunny city in a country that's just a bit south of the Land of the Free.

The following things are what I've learned so far from Mexico:

1. It's very hot
2. There are lots of bikinis
3. Everything is written in Spanish
4. It smells like the inside of a Wal-Mart (no surprises there)
5. I'm going to die

The last one will either be from the heat or eating (or drinking) something bad. That's why I've been surviving off Doritos. I don't know what flavor they are because I can't read the label, but they are good.

Also, I have good news. Actually, it's EXTREMELY good news. Would you like to know what that news is?

I've been published.

Yes. You read correctly. I now stand among your ranks as a published author. My fantasy story "A Wizard's Revenge" will be appearing in the next issue of The Goblin Reader Web-Zine and my payment should be arriving in the mail in about a week.

This feels good. Really good. Like, the best feeling ever. I've finally accomplished what I've been aiming to do for the past three years of my life. I'm published. And it's awesome.

Unfortunately, Kyle seems like he's the only one that gives a rat's ass, but I'm trying not to let that bother me. I mean, come on--I'm published now!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! [insert other versions of an evil cackle here]

*wipes sweat from brow* Ugh. My victory is short-lived.

Farewell

2005-05-24T14:34:00.000-07:00

Farewell, people. The last day of school is Thursday, and both Wednesday and Thursday I'll be taking finals, so I won't be granted much computer time. I doubt I'll be able to get on the computer much over the summer either, so you probably won't be seeing much of me.

I know. It's sad.

I just want to say that I'm really grateful to have met all of you and have gotten to know all of you, everyone that stops by here. I've learned a lot from all of you and you are all great people, in helping me launch my writing career and just generally caring by leaving comments or emails. In the past quarter year or so I've loved, hated, learned, and taken action, and all of you helped me in that (well, not so much in the hating part). I mean, after all, I'm only a teenager with a dream and many of you have already established yourselves.

Thank you so much and I really appreciate everything you all have done for me, from the bottom of my heart. It means so much to me.

Peace out.

The Whore Lived Like a German

2005-05-20T13:14:00.000-07:00

That was the title of a spam email I received today. *sigh* Germans suck.

Sampling Some Scifi

2005-05-20T11:01:00.000-07:00

Since the release of Star Wars Episode III and my recent indulging in Jeff LaSala's Escapee serial, I've been itching to write some scifi. I've tried it before, but failed utterly. I've had strokes of inspiration to try at it again since, but have been too afraid. I'm forcing myself into it now.

I think I've got the tone down very well. The title is "Family Means More Than the World." Here's the first paragraph:

When the sun was eclipsed by a bulk of metal and fire, Jonathan knew it was the end of the world. A shadow slipped across the city, dunking all into a darkness that even night would envy. A night that we will never see again, thought Jonathan bitterly, before running back into the living room to gather his family.

Eh? How's it sound? Good? Great? Grood? Mediocre?

The Small Press: A Rant

2005-05-19T09:44:00.000-07:00

Small presses. The phrase gives off a sort of insignificance, doesn't it? Among big-time authors and major publishers, small presses are relatively unimportant. To readers, the small press couldn't even exist and it wouldn't affect them.

Of course, we could always say that the innaccessability of small press publications is because of this. Booksellers are guaranteed to put books produced by major publishers on the shelves before any close-to-unknown books published by small presses. And it's a given that major publishers will have more money to advertise and fund their books so they are seen almost everywhere.

This basically pushes small press books off the ballot.

But I think there's another reason why small presses don't get so much of the limelight. What's the reason?

Their quality!

That's right, I'm finally coming out and saying it: Small presses don't seem to give a shit about the quality of the things they publish. Granted, there are very professional small publishing houses that put out very good and very clean work, but for the majority, small presses STINK.

You see major publishers shooting out ten to twenty books a year, all without or close to without any grammatical/punctuation/or spelling errors. They're busy as hell, what with reading so many damn submissions every day, analyzing and evaluating them all, meanwhile trying to make the ones they've already agreed to publish look as perfect as possible. And they do that endlessly!

And yet, here are the small presses who are lucky to even publish three books a year, and if they run a magazine or online mag, they publish probably on average about six issues a year. Are they nearly as busy as the major dudes? Fuck no they aren't! I can just picture these inexperienced little morons twiddling their thumbs, waiting to receive more submissions while not even glancing over one they've decided to publish. Once they get something that seems worth publishing, they're too excited to even look at it and edit. Do they put half as much the time the biggies do into making their material shine? Are they even a fraction as busy as them?

NO!

They're all just little dimwits, to put it plain and simple. Their idea of starting a publishing company probably came around whilst one was smoking a joint and musing aloud, "Hey, I like Stephen King. I bet that if I get some writer like him to write books for me, I'd make a lot of money. Boy, it would be so EASY!"

I'm not even joking.

I've had it up to HERE with small presses. I read one anthology that contained so many errors I almost screamed at it. Granted, there were a few stories in it that were flawless, but that was due to the writer's skill. And I just put down a book that had so many mistakes in it that I just couldn't stand reading it any longer.

And guess what's so special about that book? The copy-editors (yes, editorS) were listed on the inside flap. Do you see that in any major publishers' books? No. The only written credit the editors get are on the acknowledgements page from the author. They're not put in the book anywhere else.

And you know what I think is so funny about that? THE COPY-EDITOR DIDN'T EXIST TO ME! He was not there. He was probably smoking a joint while he was perusing the manuscript as well.

So I'm sure that by now you all see my point and my obvious anger.

See, with Blue Monday Press, we're hoping to set an example for small presses. The cleanliness of our work is absolute and we're always aiming to improve the quality, even if it already seems decent to the average reader. We want it to look the way WE want it: Beautiful, clean and enjoyable. No strings attached.

If any other thirty-year-old guy who's still living with his mother and "running" a "publishing company" can't do that, it's a definate sign of the apocolypse.

But if a kid half his age with some determination and at least a grasp of how the business works can do that, we may yet be forgiven for our sins.

Writing Update

2005-05-18T13:23:00.000-07:00

Let us veer away from the usual displeasures of my life and catch up on a little bit of my writing, shall we? Over the weekend I submitted the following stories to the following markets:

"Journey's End" (horror) - Insideous Reflections (professional print magazine)
"Billy Winston and the Nightflower" (horror) - The Corpse Magazine (professional print magazine)
"Forlorn Tower" (fantasy) - Brutarian Magazine (professional print magazine)
"What War Brings" (fantasy) - Byzarium (paying e-zine)

Here's to hoping for a good outcome!

Please Kill Me

2005-05-16T13:08:00.000-07:00

I had a wonderful weekend with Kyle and his father. We played about a total of four hours of frisbee and I got sunburned on my back. Then we went back to their house and just chilled. I got to catch up with friends and have a few light-hearted conversations online and we watched Napoleon Dynamite (my fifth time). I also got to talk to Christina and found out a shitload of stuff that's happening around her and I feel so guilty for ever giving her crap about how great she's got it. She's surrounded by people that are about as immature and stupid as the ones surrounding me. We're meant for each other.

Other than that, Christina and I still had a nice talk and I've come to the conclusion that she's cutest when she's hyper and sexiest when she's tired. I wonder if she's similarly analyzed me...

So, all that pretty much got me in a good mood. I mean, besides Christina's ongoing problems in her household, I was feeling great, really. I was optimistic and looking forward to, well, everything, because, at that time, there wasn't much that seemed NOT worth looking forward to.

Then that night my aunt told me that she's going with San Francisco with Hannah on a field trip and that she won't be back until six o'clock, so I had to take the bus home. See, people, I usually walk over to the school she works at (where, coincidentally, Christina's aunt works at) and that's the main place where Christina and I get to see each other and talk.

But I was denied that privelege today.

But, you know what, I was just feeling so good that I didn't let that get to me. I just told myself I'd see her Tuesday and we'd talk on the phone when I get home. No biggy. I could live. So I didn't let that get to me.

And just this morning my aunt told me that I'm going to attend Sac High (the current school I'm attending) next year. I wanted to cry on the spot. This place is so goddamn terrible. It really is. The teachers suck (but I can usually deal with that) and I'm CONSTANTLY surrounded by loud, arrogant ghetto idiots that insist on fucking with each other and, in turn, annoying the living crap out of me. I cannot STAND being so deep in the heart of all this walking, talking ignorance. It's alienating and something that can drive people mad (for all I know, I already am mad).

I was hoping against all hope that I'd be able to attend Kyle's school next year. The way he speaks of it, it sounds like heaven. Great school activities (even for those as anti-social as me) and kick-ass clases, as well as kick-ass people.

And if I couldn't go there, I would have liked to go to Hiram Johnson West Campus, which is a nice school with plenty of intelligent people in it. My aunt mentioned that I could go there if I had the grades. I'm not sure if I do, and since I'm so pessimistic as of this moment, I don't think I do have the grades.

So I'm coming back to this shithole.

And what's more: Next year this nifty new charter district that's running this hellhole of a school is initiating a student uniform policy AND they're going year-round!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please kill me.

I've already missed out on my childhood because of constant worry and stress over thing's I was too young to worry and stress about and just being exposed to way more than I should have. Now, in the heart of teenhood, these assholes are depriving me of the last three summer vacations that I will be able to use to hang with friends and screw around before I have to move out and pay bills and go to college.

And did my aunt think about it? Pfffffft. Are you kidding me? Sure, she feeds me and gets me to where I need to go and does all the requisite things that are necessary of a parent to do for their child. Except that she shows no interest or care for my emotions or mental stability. Not one. She doesn't go out of her way to ask me how I feel and she wouldn't even if I asked her.

I can't stay here anymore. I could move to my grandparents', but they live out of town and they'd try to control my life. I don't know if I'd be able to move in with my mom, but she doesn't have the money and she lives out of town as well.

I want to move in with my Auntie Alison and Uncle Brian. They're some of the nicest people ever. They live in Land Park, which is a nice area and they're calm, and that's what I need. If I lived with them, I'd get all the care I needed.

But I don't know. I really don't.

What? Oh, more...

2005-05-13T12:37:00.000-07:00

Caked sexiness

Fairy fantasy

I like yellow just as much as the next guy

El party-o

Take dos

Blasphemous couch and its slavers

The last three are from my friend Brian's party. Anyone who can guess who I am and who Kyle is gets a gold star. I'll give you a clue: I'm the one that looks like a fucking idiot and Kyle is the one that looks like a fucking moron.

Also, ignore the dude Christina's on. He's in the past and she and I both know that she would've rather been on me right there than on him.

PLAY!

Harumph

2005-05-13T12:18:00.000-07:00

Well, I love Christina. With all my heart. I'd do anything for/to her. Wait, maybe I should take out the "to" lest she sees it and gets the wrong idea.

But nevertheless, I love her. She's the perfect girl, and someone would have to be crazy to turn her down.

Oh, and check out this cool pink pillow...

Pink pillowy grooviness

Oh, and the girl which happens to be the most beautiful of them all.

God, she's gorgeous. I dedicated a story to her last night (the edited version of Forlorn Tower, actually) and I thought it looked pretty nifty. Maybe I'll send it off somewhere soon.

Well, please do keep in mind that I love her, because I don't want anything getting out of hand when I play grab-ass with you this weekend (you know who you are).

Actually, you don't know who you are because you don't exist. Philosophical, no?

CHRISTINA= ANGELIC PERFECTION GOODNESS.

Irksome Imbeciles in India

2005-05-10T10:43:00.000-07:00

Dumbass blog post.

Well, Unhallowed Sanctum is ALMOST ready. Any authors viewing this blog post that have agreed to write blurbs for the e-zine, expect an email containing the first issue soon.

Well, today some random girl in my algebra class smelled my hair. She sort of leaned over from behind me and put her nose so close to my head that I could feel it touching my hair and just took this giant whiff.

Freaky? Yeah, definately.

Also, Ms. Treaster remarked that I look like a surfer-hippie today. Hmm. That's original.

I may see Christina today--it depends on whether she goes on the bus to her friend's house or not (which I hope she doesn't: mainly because I want to see Christina and I hate her friend). I was sort of a dickhole to her last night and I regret it. I have this wonderful capability of saying bad things to people whenever the hell I feel like it, and most of the time do. I'm a jerk.

So what else is going on in Ian's Irksome Idiotic, um, Day? Not much. Listening to The Clash--

Aha! That's what I was going to talk about!

Not The Clash, really, but all these dumbfucks that think they're punk nowadays. Hello, who the hell ever elected Ashley Simpson as a punk?

NOT ME!

I mean, Jesus, Avril Lavigne has never heard of the Sex Pistols...how could she ever be punk?

And Simple Plan, those retards that wrote a song that goes thus: "I'm a dic, I'm a-ddicted to you!!!" WTF? THAT'S PUNK?!

Punk has become a fashion. The spirit and wild I'll-do-whatever-the-hell-I-want-because-you-suck attitude has been sapped out of our youth. Stupid idiots come to school dressed in all black and Converse and wallet chains and studded belts and bracelets and choker necklaces and dyed hair and are sporting shirts that say GOOD CHARLOTTE!

If you want punk, listen to some Ramones or D.O.A. or Dead Kennedys or The Dickies or The Authorities or The Clash or Buzzcocks or Bad Brains or Velvet Underground or The Damned or The Stooges...I mean the list goes on. There is so much actual punk, but these kids are completely fucking blind and all they listen to is the stuff played on the radio that the media dubs as "punk."

Punk is dead.

Shoot me now. Pop culture sucks. "Punks" suck. Media sucks. The government sucks. THIS WHOLE ERA SUCKS!

End of rant.

Christina's Revelation

2005-05-09T13:20:00.000-07:00

Well, Christina finally realized just how inconsiderate she is. At first, I thought she was aware of how she acted towards people, and then I slowly began to realize that she had no idea she was being so...well, unaware of others' feelings. The sweet girl that she is (contrary to previous statements) she's really working on changing it around.

Here's a crap-ass poem I wrote in Journalism today concerning her and her Revlation:

I hope she'll learn
She hadn't heard it till now
Life had let her pass by
Realization it would not allow

If she'd only known before
If naivete hadn't grabbed hold
Maybe things would be simpler
So she didn't have to be told

Now things are blurry
I don't know what to expect
But maybe soon
She'll show us all respect

I told you it sucked.

Anyway, I love Christina with all my heart and hope that she really does change, though I know she is trying. I can't wait to see her today, but I doubt I'll get a hug, just because every time we see each other now, we're around her aunt. For some reason, she isn't going in the back of the school anymore, where we usually meet up. I don't know why, but I have my suspicions.

Also, Unhallowed Sanctum is finally back on track, and I just received a submission from ANOTHER very established author, which is really cool.

I love Christina.

Ian out.

Ugh.

2005-05-05T10:42:00.000-07:00

Today sucks. I was supposed to leave at seven fifteen for a field trip for a film festival in San Francisco. We ended up being late to school, and the bus had already left by then. Of course, I was blamed. Truthfully, it partly was my fault, but I was ready soon after and we still could've made it had it not been for my aunt's bitchy attitude and sudden willingness to feed the cat and fix everything else up that didn't need fixing up, and just all around take her sweet fucking time.

I got so pissed when I got to school. Like flustering, breathing hard, red-faced, black-out rage pissed off. So pissed off that I punched the brick wall and busted open flesh on a few of my knuckles. And of course, before I got out of the car, I exploded on my aunt and I'm sure she's going to ground me for a longer period once I get to her workplace after school. And, if she's feeling especially cuntish today, she'll take away my laptop, which I've had stowed away in my room, where I've been working on a novel for the past two days.

But I just want to forget about that right now.

The aforementioned novel is a surreal, paranormal horror-fantasy half-ass tale concerning my undying love for Christina. I've finished the prologue and first two chapters. Everything seems to be going fine so far...no complaints. The writing--which is from the point of view of a teenager much like myself--is solid and the dialogue is possibly the most believable I've done. Overall, I'm fine with it. I'm just a bit worried that I might lose interest--I've tried writing books before (with planned outlines and all) and the original intrigue for the story sort of faded after a while.

But I don't think I have to worry about that with this one. It's one that's easier for me to write, and plus, I made a promise to Christina that I'll finish it by camp (July 18th). So...yeah, been typing a chapter a night. I think that's a pretty steady schedule.

Unhallowed Sanctum is behind schedule. Kyle apparently got hit by a car, so he's a little slow on the pdf business. Poor bugger. So...I've just been editing over edits, just passing the time and trying to advertise. This slowness is really pissing me off--we still have authors to send the issue to for reviews before it can come out and Kyle still has to upload PayPal to the website and whatnot!

Sometimes I wish God really did exist.

Meanwhile, "Stan the Hero" hasn't progressed much, mostly because I've been alotting my time with my novel. I just haven't been feeling the...well, feel for the story. Sometimes I have to be in a certain mood to write certain things in certain styles. You know what I mean? Certainly.

Also, I'm adding a new link to my link columns. It's a site called "Dark Markets" with listings of all the horror anthologies, 'zines, and publishers open to submissions. It's very helpful and there happens to be a lot of publishers listed there that Ralan doesn't have. Imagine that.

Christina's been pretty upset lately because of her bitchy aunt and other problems that I probably don't know of. I feel like a dick for ever being such an asshole to her. I care about her so much that it hurts when I see her like this. It's as if all happiness and joy has been zapped out of my life. I just want her to be happy. And hopefully by writing this book (which I'm doing volunteerily--not because she told me to or not because I want to get something in return from her) for her. It's all for her. Because she's the only one that matters.

So...I suppose that's the end of today's rant. Toodle-oo.

Sorry

2005-05-02T12:57:00.000-07:00

Okay, sorry for that recent post, guys. I was just being a jerk. I'm just really grumpy and tired today. So tired that I was walking down the hall falling asleep. When I was in the bathroom, I nearly fell asleep over the urinal. I was wakened by someone barging into the bathroom, finding me hunched over the urinal with a look of stupified bliss on my face. I shot out of it and zipped up, but the guy, spotting the white paint stains on my jeans, already had his theories of what I'd been up to. Oh well. I didn't know him.

I know I'm feeling like shit right now, but I take comfort in the feeling that, in the end, I'll feel good about Christina and me. I don't know how, but I will. Average hormonal mood swings, I suppose.

I had a rant prepared for you guys, but I've got way too much on my plate for my tired ass to get it all done in the limited time I have, so it'll have to wait. Ciao.

Bad Mood, Grim Tidings

2005-05-02T10:13:00.000-07:00

Christina has shown time and again that she has complete disregard of my feelings. It seems she goes and does stuff without even thinking of what I might think of it, which goes to show how high I am on her priority list. She tells me she likes me a lot--honestly, I don't know what "a lot" is to her, considering she's attracted to literally every dude on Earth, or so it seems. Not once in our "relationship" has she shown one inkling of appreciation for having me. It's as if she takes me for granted. I can recall three accounts of which she's said something remotely affectionate, and that was with mild coaxing on my part.

If there is one thing I could change right now, it would be her immature over-obsession of every hot guy on the planet. It's one thing to obsess over hot guys on MTV or whatever, but to actually try to MEET random "hot" strangers on MySpace while saying she's devoted to me at the same time is pushing it. And that's an understatement.

I could expect nothing less from Christina. She can be so utterly clueless sometimes it's amazing.

But what else is new?

Well, other than that bullshit, I got a copy of Realms of the Dragons II. (Here's a note to Kameron: I usually don't enjoy reading excerpts, but, man, that was great stuff. Can't wait to get my hands on the whole thing). I also read Erik's sample, which was good, but his gave off the feeling that I had to already have the whole book in my hand to appreciate it more. Still good stuff, though. I started reading Kameron's contribution to the anthology, got half-way through, but then had to go to bed.

I also saw The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which was grand indeed. I didn't think Mos Def would be able to pull it off as Ford, but he had a surprisingly good performance. Before the movie, my mom also got me all the Hitchhikers books in an omnibus, which was cool ++.

Overall, I had a nice time with my mother. She gave me some more skin care, because I'm cool. I really don't have bad acne at all, but oily skin just annoys the crap outta me, so I have to have my skin just right. I'm the most sanitary person on Earth. It's not even funny.

Also, for Christina's sake, I have been doing fifty to two hundred crunches and sit-ups a night (no matter what the circumstances) in order to get myself in shape in time for camp, where she'll undoubtedly see me half-naked at least (anymore than that pending). Hmmm. Don't remember the last time she's gone out of her way to do something sweet for me, but that's not surprising.

Unhallowed Sanctum is coming along slowly. Shit is kind of hectic, and it's stressing me out. I need to get it all done. Kyle sent me an email that was supposed to contain the rough draft of the pdf, but I guess he forgot to attach it, so I am without anything to edit. I suppose I'll write that purposeless preface for the e-zine then, and get on "Stan the Hero" afterwards.

What else is there to say? Nothing.

And this is where you stop reading.

Now.

Seriously.

THE PENDING FILE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

2005-04-28T13:10:00.000-07:00

YESSSSS! The editor of Twisted Cat Tales has already replied to my submission and has put it into the PENDING FILE. She said, "Congratulations on making the next level." She also informed me that once she's received all her submissions, she'll return to the Pending File and pick out her final selections.

IT'S LIKE I'VE MADE THE NBA FINALS BUT MUCH COOLER!!!!!!!!

You know what this means, people? This means I rock. Yes, bow down to me. Ian is the master. Ian is the material form of Cool.

Well, this certainly turns a rancid day into a very nice, very fresh one, if I do say so myself.

FUCK YES! I AM THE WINNER!

Back On Track

2005-04-28T10:22:00.000-07:00

Ian the Writer is back. I just finished "I Was a Teenage Feline" and sent it to Twisted Cat Tales (cat-themed anthology). Waiting for a reply. Now I'm beginning a humorous zombie story entitled "Stan the Hero" to send over to Aim for the Head (zombie-themed anthology). I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I finished a horror flash story called "I'll Never Be Clean Again" a couple days ago and sent it off to Nocturnal Ooze (horror fiction webzine).

It's great to be back.

Right now, "Stan the Hero" is sort of a vague idea, but I've got enough of the plot down to start and finish and have a reasonable bulk. It'll go fast. Hopefully it's funny as well.

Unhallowed Sanctum is behind schedule. Kyle just got hold of the cover art, and he still hasn't compiled the stories into pdf form. AND that bastard Reida needs to hurry up with the fucking reviews. Then, once the issue is FINALLY ready, I have to send it to five or six authors doing reviews of the e-zine, and post all of the blurbs before the issue comes out.

What is an editor to do?

Nothing, of course. My duty has been done. I can only wait and badger those that aren't fast enough. Oh, and work on the second issue.

Also, "Realms of the Dragons II" is out and I've GOT to get it. I'm really looking forward to the stories by Kameron, Ed, Erik, and Harley.

You know what I've just noticed? Everything I've been writing lately has been horror, or has at least contained horror elements. Not much I can say to that. I guess I'm losing interest in the fantasy genre, or maybe just gaining interest in horror.

But I have a good theory: Fantasy is pissing me off. I'm sorry to those who view this blog and are big fantasy junkies, but come on, you have to agree wtih me on this--no one in this blasted genre is original! I remember one of Kameron's posts concerning fantasy authors that have "ripped off" Tolkein. Kameron's response was "Who hasn't ripped off Tolkein?"

I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with Kameron on this. Tolkein, when he wrote The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, was setting a FOUNDATION for the fantasy genre, a genre in which people can LEARN from his books, but not straight-up steal from them. I'm not sure if Tolkein was trying to create a genre when writing these books, but, all the same--people have to have an imagination. That's why they call it FANTASY! You read Tolkein's stuff, you like it, and so you create your own world, in which you runs things your own way and manifest NEW monsters and NEW races and NEW sources of magic, so your work can have just as much of an impact on your readers as Tolkein's stuff had on YOU.

I realize that authors like Terry Brooks didn't have much to work with when they started writing in the seventies. I mean, there wasn't much fantasy out there, besides Tolkein, Howard, Dunsany, and Lovecraft.

BUT DOES THAT MEAN YOU HAVE TO RIP IT OFF SO?!

So what if you've only read one fantasy novel? You still have a fucking imagination, do you not? Then use it, you fucktard!

God has spoken.

Quick Like a Fox, Smart Like a Retracting Drink Holder

2005-04-25T13:14:00.000-07:00

Household sucks. Relationships suck. People suck. Vacuums suck. Cinematography in recent Hollywood action movies sucks. My eyes suck. Life sucks.

I cannot talk on the phone, therefore I am isolated from the rest of the world. That includes Kyle and Christina, two of the very, very few people that matter in my life. I cannot go on the computer, therefore I haven't been able to keep up on emails or finalize things in stories.

In very minor and insignificant news: My copy of "Madmen's Dreams" by Eric S. Brown (with D. Richard Pearce) arrived Saturday morning. It took three weeks to get here. I'm never ordering from Barnes & Noble again. Anyway, the book was good; the stories were really short, but I got used to it after a while and liked it a lot in the end. Eric S. Brown is a truly talented writer. Finished is Sunday afternoon.

In extremely fucktastically important and Earth-shakingly important news: I love Christina. She is the perfect girl. Just a picture of her will fill me with a rising happiness. A hug from her will plunge me into a state of stupefied bliss. A kiss sends me soaring into the heavens, lounging atop clouds and sipping virgin margeritas. She's the only one that matters.

My mom has been doing my mental status a great favor by calling me every day, giving me an excuse to contact someone outside the household (after all, she is my mom and who could ground me from talking to my mom?). She and Kyle are the only ones that understand me. My mom is so sympathetic, so helpful. She's the coolest. I'm just beginning to know my mom, since I never really got to know her for aforementioned reasons. But she's great.

Everyone is giving me shit and they don't care how it affects me. I would give more of an explanation, but I have to split. I have a hug from Christina to look forward to. She deprives me of my kisses, so this is what I have to work with.

On a side note: You guys have no idea how great it feels when Christina says something remotely sweet to me. She very rarely does it, so I often don't get to experience that great feeling. I don't know why I'm mentioning this now--maybe I'm depressed, or just need to hear something nice from someone I truly care about.

Anyway, I gotta get to English class. Ms. Cuellar is groovy, so she won't spazz if I'm late.

More Blows

2005-04-19T13:17:00.000-07:00

No, not the kind you're thinking of.

Christina's been having hard times as well, and I feel so bad because I can't do anything to help. She's the Light of my life. I love her so much. Due to idiocy and injustice, we have been kept from seeing and communicating with each other. So now, whenever I think of her, I take her picture out of my pocket and look at it. God, she's the most beautiful chick in the world. Why would I lie about that?

A flash story of mine was rejected. Woe is me.

I'm plowing through life at the pace of a turtle on its back in a tank of peanut butter. Hopefully--hear that? I said HOPE--life will get better, but I'm not holding out much faith.

BTW, I'm so stressed out that I've developed a twitch in my left eye. So don't worry, I wasn't winking at any of you. I'm taken anyway.

Groovy Lights Over a Dreary City

2005-04-18T12:59:00.000-07:00

Thanks to everyone who's offered advice and given me an ear. I really appreciate it.

As Erik said in his recent blog post, sometimes there are just those times when you start typing a blog entry without anything much to say. I'm having one of those moments right now. So, just for the hell of it, I'll talk about recent happenings in my life instead of the e-zine and Christina and whatnot.

Saturday my mom came down to visit. We had an awesome time. I got a new KMFDM ablum, a live Iggy Pop disc, and a Sisters of Mercy CD. We went to see Amatyville Horror, which turned out to be pretty good and frightening despite our poor expectations. All in all, we had a groovy time.

Yesterday I went out for driving lessons. Just the basics and whatnot. Turns out I'm a pretty good driver. I'm more aware of what's going on around me than I thought I'd be, and I'm a quick learner. The only problem I'm having is reversing into parking spaces. That shit is confusing!

I also finished "The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy" by Douglas Adams, which was just groovy. Very funny. I can't wait to get the next book.

Oh, here's a poem I wrote when I was really down a couple days ago (if there are any errors, please forgive me--I don't read much poetry and thus I have close to no understanding of its format):

"They Don't Know" by Ian Kappos

He doesn't like it here
Nobody knows
He cries inside
They don't know his woes

They yell and complain,
Make noise and prod
But they don't know
His manner is fraud

He holds the kitchen knife
Deadly and true
He slices his wrists
And says, "This is for you."

They find his body the next morning
Pale and dry
They don't know that
They're the reason he died.

Yeah, I know it sucks. I'm not going to lie: I'm no poet, and I never will be, so that's why I'm sharing this poem with you and not circulating it through the industry. I write poetry to write poetry, not to make money. Hell, I write stories to write stories, not to make money. The only reason I want to publish them is to get my name out there and share them with more people.

"I Want More" by The Sisters of Mercy is bouncing around in my head. Ah well. Who said that was a bad thing?

Well, I'm working through a hellish noir story to submit to Tabloid Purposes II (find it in the Anthologies Markets at Ralan.com--I'm too lazy to make a hyperlink) and a comedy-horror piece for Twisted Cat Tales (likewise). The noir story is currently untitled and the cat-comedy-horror story is entitled "I Was a Teenage Feline." I'm rather fond of it.

Again, thanks to everyone that's shown their concern. You don't know how much it means to me.

In a Ditch With My Legs Broken and My Eyes Sewn Shut

2005-04-15T12:57:00.000-07:00

Last night a load of terrible crap happened, and I came dangerously close to committing suicide. I don't feel I need to tell what happened, since the severity of it has already been noted in the word "suicide."

Let's just say that life is shit and my throat is the plumbing.

I have no future. I have no life. I have no true happiness. I have no particular talent. I just simply am. I'm here, for no other reason than to suffer.

Vuala!

2005-04-11T13:10:00.000-07:00

I got so much shit done today it's not even funny.

I finished editing EVERY SINGLE FLIPPIN' STORY FOR THE FINAL TIME and added all the "about the authors," except for one author's that hasn't turned hers in yet. I also put them all in the appropriate format before being compiled into pdf form.

Two authors have agreed to do reviews of Unhallowed Sanctum, and another has promised to do one around Fall, as he's rather swamped with other work at the moment.

Publicity. Breathe it in.

And despite what I said about having finished editing all the stories for the final time, I will do it once more and then another time once they're all in pdf form. Sounds pretty strenuous, but, man, I love this gig.

And tonight I swear on my life that I'll finish that story for the issue. That means no one- to -two hour conversations with Christina. Damnit.

That's about all that's laid out for now. Till next time, dudes and dudetts.

Oh, bondage, up yours!

2005-04-07T19:02:00.000-07:00

Just to reassure everyone, I still love Christina with a passion. She's the hottest chick in the world, the funnest person to be around, and just the best.

Although, I must confess, being "friends with benefits" sucks a big one.

And, just today, she referred to me as her "ex-boyfriend." Ugh.

In the Bowels of a Very Long and Strenuous Project

2005-04-07T11:41:00.000-07:00

Unhallowed Sanctum is coming along slowly. Stories have been edited multiple times. The website is coming together piece-by-piece. Advertisement is becoming increasingly difficult. Authors are being requested to send in "About the Authors," and some are taking a bit longer to provide one for me than I would have liked.

But the site is almost done. Thank God. The mistakes are beginning to fade and my reputation as an editor isn't as damaged as I thought it would be.

After reading the stories over and over again, I've come to enjoy them even MORE than I had when first reading them, which is a bit contrary to how I thought I'd be feeling about them after performing edits upon edits for weeks. But hey, this whole publishing company project is just full of surprises.

And on the side, I've been brewing many, many ideas for anthologies and contests, and it's annoying the crap out of me. See, people, I have what I like to call "bipolar devotion," which means that once I start a project, I soon become less interested in it and begin to want to do something else that should be reserved for a few months ahead. I hate it, but that's just how I am.

But do not digress, for I remain fully committed to Unhallowed Sanctum. At the moment.

I become steadily frustrated with Kyle and the way the website is being run. I am aware that Kyle is the backbone of this company, and that, without him, we would be close to unknown to the internet community, but I am still angry with him. I have had to do six drafts of edits for the site and still he overlooks things, and thus I find myself writing more edits so the site will look pristine. Kyle excused this with a case of minor dyslexia. Folks, I, the editor, have dyslexia, and I still manage to be thorough in getting my job done and making things look nice.

But I also realize that Kyle has had recent emotional issues in need of sorting out, so I'm trying not to be as pissed as I want to be right now.

So, onto another subject.

Unhallowed Sanctum's debut nears us, and I work vigilantly to prepare everything for the Big Day. Still stories to edit, still "About the Authors" to obtain, still website changes to work on, still more advertising (though that's mainly more on Kyle's part), and still all these things throwing themselves in the way of me and getting my job done.

And guess what. We're not making squat off this project. Nay, all of the money will go to funding more advertisement, a decision made by Kyle, unbeknownst to moi. Although, I see that his choice in the utilization of the money was much wiser than mine (spending it on cool stuff), so I shall not oppose him.

But, despite my griping over all this, I love this gig and I'm looking forward to seeing what all of you guys think of the issue when its debut is finally come.

Shit!

2005-04-03T16:21:00.000-07:00

Well, the Blue Monday page has been completely redone, and it looks great!

Except for one minor detail...

Mistakes are strewn all over the place! In the navbar, on the pages, and everywhere else. It shames me every time I find a new mistake on the site, considering I AM THE FREAKING EDITOR OF THE COMPANY! And just now I found a mistake on the "About Us" page that's been there for the past two months: I used the improper "then." When comparing ourselves to other companies, I wrote, "...we expect nothing less then the best from contributing authors."

Shoot me now.

IN OTHER NEWS: Kyle Pate's story, "The Devil's Habits," has been accepted and will be appearing in the first issue of Unhallowed Sanctum. If any of you have perused my "Links" column, you might have found Kyle Pate's blog, entitled Fear My Quack. If any of you have clicked on Fear My Quack, then you have already witnessed the atrocious grammar and spelling errors that bathe the screen before you. If you have already witnessed the atrocious grammar and spelling errors that bathe the screen before you, then you have already declared Kyle an idiot.

And I do not blame you.

But Kyle owned me. Under another name, Kyle sent me a submission entitled "The Devil's Habits." I read through it, spotted a few minor mistakes, but still thought it good enough for the e-zine, so I replied notifying him of his story's acceptance. Of course, that was when Joshy Peters replied, proclaiming that his true name was Kyle Pate.

Owned.

The fact that Kyle conquered the tumor in his head that was improper grammar and spelling astounds me. I never thought he'd have the ability to do so, but he did, and I was owned.

So, people, "The Devil's Habits" by Kyle Pate will be appearing in the very first issue of Unhallowed Sanctum. You're very welcome.

That's five stories now, and I'm plowing through my contribution, and then I'll edit every story a sixth time, and then a seventh, and then an eighth, and then a ninth, and once more once it's all compiled in PDF form, and then send it over to Mr. Reviewer (Andrew Reida) so he can read it and then send it back to me, and then I'll edit them all again. And that sure was a helluva run-on sentence.

I'm really aiming for a flawless debut. And, contrary to popular belief, I am a very thorough editor, and my knowledge of English grammar and spelling aren't as poor as a lot of you have already presumed after reading this blog.

Well, I hope you all enjoy the first issue (if you buy it). It'll be out around late April/early May.

More to come...

Things Have a Way of Not Working Out

2005-03-29T10:58:00.000-08:00

Well, Kyle and I had a friggin' kick-ass time in Death Valley. We drove everywhere, went spelunking, and drove out to Nevada for breakfast. We also hiked a total of twenty miles. Pretty sweet. When I got home, I noticed that I'd lost a total of ten pounds. Damn, I'm sexy.

Well, the Sunday before last, Christina told me she loved me. Then just last Sunday she told me that she didn't. Hmm. She also told me that she doesn't want to get in trouble with her parents if they find out we're still doing boyfriend-girlfriend stuff. So, she basically broke up with me, saying that she wasn't quite ready for a serious relationship. Geez, you could've fucking told me a little while back, huh? So to make a long story short, we're going to wait a year until she thinks she'll be ready for a serious relationship and until her parents find it okay for her to have a boyfriend, but she said she couldn't promise that she wouldn't fall for another dude within that year. Sounds pretty fucking faithful, huh?

I love Christina. I really do. She's the only chick I care about, she's the hottest chick ever, she's the funnest person to be around--and I just care about her so much! I always want to be with her, to help her when she's having problems, to comfort her and give her a shoulder to cry on. She's the only girl I'm interested; all the others can go find other dudes, because I'm devoted to her and her alone.

But shit has a way of hitting the fan when you don't want it to. Whatever. I'll be stoic.

In other news, the first issue of Unhallowed Sanctum is almost finished. We're placing our bets on an early May debut. All in all, I think it's turning out quite nicely, and Kyle and I have been discussing a future horror anthology we're serious about launching off. That's a fun project to look forward to.

I've also been trudging--slowly--through a twisted surreal horror piece that I'm either going to donate to the e-zine, or send somewhere else. We'll see what happens.

Toodle-oo.

Reconciliation

2005-03-17T15:44:00.000-08:00

I gotta get back to writing. I'll force myself to when I get home if I have to. I don't know exactly what I'll write, but I'll try my best to apply my feelings of right now (sadness, blankness, antagonization) to my writing in some sense. That'll be easy, I suppose. I'll probably write something romantic, surreal and grim. Nice mix.

Well, Tyler (Waffle Kingdom) is leaving school to attend a far better one, and I'll be left alone here. I'm not too depressed, really, since he's a dick to me most of the time and I'll be leaving this school after this semester. I don't hang out with too many people because everyone here is a friggin' idiot, and I don't associate myself with idiots. Go figure.

I miss Christina a lot. She's on some school field trip and I have to wait a-whole-'nother day to see her. Poor me.

I accepted another story for Unhallowed Sanctum yesterday. I believe that's five now. I'm aiming for about two more and then we'll try putting the first issue together. Not far off...

There's not much else to talk about, besides my undying stress and worry over nothing in particular. Such is anxiety.

Ciao.

Dead

2005-03-15T10:42:00.000-08:00

The dinner is done. So is my love life.

Basically Christina's mom said that she likes me a lot and that, when Christina's ready for a relationship, I'd be the number one candidate for a boyfriend. Yay. Don't I feel special?

No.

So, she said that in a year it will be a definate okay. So what am I going to do?

Wait a year. Honestly, I'll wait however long it takes. Christina is the only girl I'm interested in. I don't want to go seeking for other relationships. Nay. I'll wait that year, and till come next March (or whatever) I'll be a friend, not a boyfriend. It will be hard. But how couldn't it be?

I'm just feeling rather blank right now. It amazes me that I haven't cried about any of the crap that's happened. Dunno. Maybe it's just my masculinity winning out on this one.

You know, when Christina and I were together, I was so happy. Well, of course I was happy. But also, it just made me feel...better...like I finally got crap sorted out and I didn't have anything to worry about. Just...I don't know, it's just so hard to describe.

Well, anyway, now all that's gone and I ain't got shit to do. I suppose I'll just wait till Spring Break. Kyle and I are going to Death Valley. That'll be fun. I just hope I don't bug the shit out of him with any spontaneous moods of depression. We'll have fun, though, I know it. Maybe I might get my white ass a tan! Alright, maybe not my ass. Still, my chest looks like an atlas of friggin' Antarctica.

That about sums up The Load of Crap. Peace out, my ghetto ballers.

Dorkish Confessions of the Disturbed Mind

2005-03-14T10:43:00.000-08:00

First of all, folks, I have to apologize for all the language I've used in my latest posts. Been very pissed off, if you haven't noticed. Again, sorry.

Anyway, more crap has succeeded in screwing my life up again.

Christina and I aren't allowed to see each other anymore. Why? Because both our aunts don't want us to. Hmmm. My aunt saw me put my hand on Christina's leg, and from there on, everything just went downhill. Oh my. Hand...on her leg? Blasphemy! Preposterous! How could you!

Ugh...

So we can't talk on the phone, and are only limited to seeing each other about five minutes out of the day. No more "boyfriend-girlfriend crap." As you can probably imagine, I was pissed out of my mind, and Christina spent a good amount of her time crying. Wow. If this was our aunts' idea of a solution, boy have they solved a lot!

Bleh...

And the thing is, our aunts didn't even consult Christina's mom. Jodi (Christina's aunt, who lives with her and her mother) just ASSUMED that Christina's mom didn't want her having a boyfriend. So they went ahead and split Christina and me up. Great job, morons!

Tchhh...

Both my uncle and my mom think that's a load of shite in a Brazilian trash-pit. Of course, my uncle has a very small chance of swaying my aunt's decision. And my mom has nada.

BUT.

Christina did consult her mother. Amy--the mother of my love--doesn't want us being boyfriend-n'-girlfriend, but she does think that we should be able to hang out with each other, and she says she's fine with the whole "liking-each-other-thing," and that, in time, we'll receive the okay for a "real" relationship (she thinks I'm a sweet guy--aww, shucks). So she talked to my aunt, and of course owned her in the face. Christina and I are now...fine, I guess. I don't see many problems, besides maybe the lack of kisses and hugs. But that's okay...I mean, all I really care about right now is seeing her. Hell, when I had a crush on her before we started going out, I used to run from my school after I was dismissed all the way over to hers--just to see her for ten minutes!

So yeah. Her mom's arranged a small get-together between the three of us (Christina, her, and me) tonight. We're going out to dinner. Heh. Good thing I'm the biggest gentleman you'll ever know.

So things are slowly coming together and settling down. Thank God.

But I don't think I have it half as bad as the Waffle King does. Geez, the crap he has to go through is just horrible. Go read his latest post (wafflekingdom.blogspot.com). I mean...God, you'd think his parents would give him SOME privacy!

With my mind being so tied up on Christina, I haven't been submitting any of my writing anywhere, and haven't been producing any either. Just a phase, I guess. I feel a lot less of a writer than I do an editor now. I hope that changes. I'm kind of starting to miss the time when I went hog-wild with all the submitting to publishers n' crap.

Also, for those of my adult and far more professional viewers, I hope my blog posts aren't becoming tedious or annoying to you. I know a lot of the time I sound like a complete imbecile, and I apologize for that. And I know some of the subjects I raise up (i.e. Christina, gay guys committing suicide, punk bands, etc.) aren't the type of things you're into. Sometimes I just feel like an idiot because I feel I have to please all my viewers with different things. And I know that's kind of contradictory to Blogger's purpose (journaling thoughts and opinions).

Well, I dunno. I guess I'm just ranting.

Till next time, dudes and dudetts.

Ideas...

2005-03-07T13:11:00.000-08:00

Been having some anthology ideas for Blue Monday. I know we're barely a month old and the first issue of Unhallowed Sanctum isn't even out yet (though we're almost there), but I've been itching to put together a hellish/dark fantasy anthology, or maybe just something completely different. Dunno. I really wanna, though.

Update on Unhallowed Sanctum: Three accepted stories, three rejected, one unread, and another already decided for a later issue (the author submitted two stories). I also finished a short-short that will serve as a launch-off/introduction to the e-zine. It's entitled "It's Your Time, Frank Turner" and is only about seven hundred words (as editor, I get to break my own rules--haha!). Short, surreal and a pretty good example of the horror I like to see for Unhallowed Sanctum. I'm aiming for about six or eight stories for the first issue. Sounds like an anthology, huh?

Mister Quack (Kyle, the webmaster of the kick-ass Blue Monday homepage) has also made some very nice improvements to the site. Check 'em out.

Ciao.

Back in Black

2005-03-07T10:54:00.000-08:00

I dyed my hair black Saturday. Yes, it's now dead.

Okay, I have to admit that was cheesy.

Anyway, it looks pretty cool. Most people--with the exception of the Waffle King--like it, including Christina (phew).

In Other News: Life sucks. My household sucks. Everyone in it sucks. It's dirty and unorganized and I'm forced to clean other people's mess, even though all my possessions are in MY room. Then I get yelled at for not knowing where things go. Well, idiots, they're YOUR THINGS, so you can go put them where they go, which is probably UP YOUR ASS.

And my neighborhood sucks. Come on, seriously, who enjoys listening to mariachi and rap and r&b all day besides Mexicans? And the thing is, I'm surrounded by Mexicans. I can almost smell all their freaking goats and roosters, and hear them as loudly as their shitty music. Now don't get me wrong, I'm fine with Mexicans; just not the annoying ones. I don't like ANY annoying poeple.

And plus, this neighborhood has no trees. None. And the sun beats down on us like a hammer on a baby's soft skull. And there are chain-link fences and bars over every window. And all the houses are squat like midgets taking a crap, which forms the uneven sidewalks and unkempt yards. It reminds me of black drama movies taking place in South Central. Trust me, guys, there is nothing more I hate than THIS KIND OF AREA. AND IT'S THE ONLY AREA IN SACRAMENTO I HATE. I COULD HAVE BEEN ANYWHERE ELSE (I.E. THE FAB 40S, DOWNTOWN, LAND PARK). BUT NO, I HAVE TO BE CAUGHT IN THIS SHITHOLE.

And then I've got Mister White Chocolate parading through the house, bobbing his head up and down to ghetto beats and callling everyone "ho." And that's not even that bad part. But, trust me, you don't want to know just how fucking ignorant and antagonizing this little shit is.

And then I have my aunt who I swear ENJOYS interfering with my social life, yelling at me for the most unexpected and stupid things. She keeps me from my friends just because I "had too much fun yesterday, and don't need anymore." Bullshit. Please remove the bullhorn from you over-proportioned ass, Madam.

And then there's my cousin Hannah, who takes joy in prancing around the house, humming and making odd sounds. She can't even sit still. It takes all I have to not scream at her: "Hannah, sit your fat ass down and do your fucking homework. Okay? This isn't a fucking McDonald's playhouse!" Of course, that would be assholish, and I'm not an asshole. Unless, of course, if I'm venting over Blogger.

And then there's Uncle Dan, who is probably the most enjoyable of my other shithole-mates. He's intelligent, reads books, cooks good food, cracks good jokes, and generally hates my black-at-the-heart cousin Curtis. Problem is, he's just like me in that everyone in the house makes him angry, only he just screams his ass off over it instead of taking it all in and shitting it out later like I do.

There's nowhere for me to go. My grandparents have offered to take me in, but they live in Stockton and they'll try their best to completely control my life. And there's my mom who wants me to live with her again, and not even everything in her life is yet leveled out, and plus my aunt and uncle wouldn't let me go. AND she lives in San Francisco.

I want to live with Kyle. God, I'm jealous of him. His family life is so positive, calm. They have fun and they have peace, and Kyle gets his freaking freedom. Sounds ideal, huh? Damn straight it does.

The only happy things in my life now are my friends and Christina. AND I NEVER GET TO SEE THEM. Wow. My life is just balanced, isn't it?

Well, at least I got to see Christina and Kyle and Lauren and London Saturday at the mall. We had a good time. Christina and I definately did, that's for sure. Do you guys need details? Doubt it. It's pretty obvious what kept us interested.

Oh, and apparently I look good as a prep, after undergoing an hour of excruciating trying-on-clothes-for-girlfriend-and-bisexual-friends. Fun, fun.

Well, that was the highlight of my weekend. Not bad, actually. But now I'm back in the dumps. Aren't I special?

Well, as my wise friend Kyle once told me: Life is like a dick--when it gets hard, fuck it.

Thong or Skirt? That's a toughy.

2005-03-04T10:33:00.000-08:00

Well, I will *probably* see Christina tomorrow at the mall with Kyle and Lauren. If I don't screw my chances up somehow. Christina made me choose between her either wearing a thong or a skirt. That took me a while. She finally decided for me with a skirt, but she said that if she does see me today after her guitar lessons, she'll wear a thong for me. I am soooo good.

Either way, she'll be hot and I'll be happy.

While we're at the mall we'll probably catch a movie, walk around, make out, shop (for her), shop (for me to look like an idiot), and...um...make out. Maybe eat something, too. Things between Christina and me are great. They really are. We even got to make out yesterday without being caught by my parents. I am soooo cool.

But yeah, I just got another submission for Unhallowed Sanctum, so I guess I'll cut this post short.

But one last thing...

Thong or skirt?

Feeding the Minds of Tomorrow's Apocolypse

2005-03-03T11:07:00.000-08:00

Many interesting anthologies/magazines posted over at Ralan.com. BADASS Horror, for one, and another scifi anthology whose title has suddenly slipped my mind. Pity. Guess I'll have to type in the WHOLE URL again to remember. Drat.

Only problem is, I actually have to WRITE to get accepted. Go figure. Writing has been kicking my ass lately. Adjectives and adverbs really, really suck now. Maybe I shouldn't use too many, huh? Andrew knows what I'm talking about.

Oh yeah, just so Christina knows, I'm wearing my jeans today. *gasp* To all that don't know, I have a nice ass in jeans, according to popular opinion. Sexy bitch.

Man, the Misfits rock *headbangs*.

Well, if I was a lobster, I'd rent, not own.

I really want to see Christina right now. Reallyreallyreally. It's scaring me because I've been thinking about making out a lot. Or maybe that's because I'm a disturbed teen. Yeah, that's it.

Just raised my grade in algebra a WHOLE LETTER GRADE. That actually might mean I'll be able to see Christina, Kyle and Lauren on Saturday. Should I be happy? Not exactly. Not yet, I mean. I'm rather apprehensive, to tell you the truth. I know my aunt will be happy when I tell her about the raise-in-grade, but maybe not enough to allow me to spend time with my friends over the weekend. Sometimes that unfairness really pisses me off. Actually, all the time it does. By the way, is "unfairness" a word?

Every one of my freaking posts seems to be littered with a whole bunch of crap lately. Sounds like my brain. Or my bowels. Whatever.

Well, this is actually starting to annoy ME now, so I'll stem the flow of insanity. Ciao.

Edible Panties and Other Tasties

2005-03-02T12:58:00.000-08:00

Poetry officially blows. Or at least mine does. Most probably the latter.

Anyway, Christina and I are officially happy again. And yes, that was the third time in the last five sentences I've used the word "officially." Anglo-Saxon, huh?

She's so great. Christina, that is. Ooops, don't want to get myself into trouble now. Hopefully this Saturday we'll see each other at the mall. She'll probably make me try on clothes at Hot Topic and other random stores. Fun, fun.

I just had a killer idea for an alternate history/fantasy/supernatural/scifi story, but I'll probably rape it. Such confidence should be rewarded with cookies. But yeah, the story's pretty cool, even if it's not exactly a real story yet. Just a vague idea, specked with some fancy illusions and action scenes, blahblahblahblahblah.

Recently I've noticed that I have become a very DRY person. Like... really dry. Sarcasm is mandatory, I suppose. Oh well. If it means I'm funny or weirdER, there's certainly nothing to complain about. Just an observation.

Lots of blog posts as of late. I used to space them about by a week or so, but now it's becoming an "everyday thing." Eh. I just hope it isn't annoying any of my "regulars."

Also, I've accepted a short horror story written by the King of Waffle Kingdom, Tyler King. That's three down for Unhallowed Sanctum. Three rejected, too. I'm not TOO bad of an editor, I guess. Even if I'm anal + 1.

Yesterday Christina and I managed to see each other at a sibling's softball practice. We gave her a ride home, and before everyone got in the car, we got to sneak a kiss in the backseat. There could've been more, but she was being really paranoid about other people (namely parents) seeing us. I just let it go.

My throat hurts. I'm afraid I'm going to wake up tomorrow morning with an extremely worse ache. Not exactly a look-forward-to kinda thing, is it? I just hope I don't get sick. I managed to make it all through winter (so far) without becoming ill this year, and I don't want to wreck that.

Well, I really want to see Christina right now. Reallyreallyreally wanna see Christina, actually.

Well, there's your daily dose of randomness. Hope you have fun with that.

Peace out, my ghetto ballers.

From me to you... a poem of poo

2005-03-01T13:02:00.000-08:00

Not only am I a crappy writer, but I'm a crappy poet, too! Man, I've got it going on. Here's a poem I wrote yesterday summing up my feelings about the problem Christina and I had Sunday night:

"SnappingTwine"

I love her.
We made out Sunday.
I liked it.
She did, too.

So why is it
That there's this tension?
Something between us,
Malicious,
Relentless,
Disruptive.

I'm afraid that,
In time we'll fall apart,
Uninterested yet stressed,
Somehow hindered.

We were so beautiful yesterday,
Sweet,
Wanting,
Propelled by touch and kiss.

We were so great,
In that we were so in touch with our feelings,
So eager to grasp them,
And turn them into action.

Now, after the episode,
The dreaded time of discomfort and shed tears,
There is a speck of something now tainted,
Nevermore to be mended nor cured.

God, I feel so horrible.
I didn't even have to be upset.
We could've moved on,
Left it to the wind to sweep away.

And now I'm empty.
Lack of joyous thoughts,
Of more kisses.
What now?

Maybe I'm overreacting.
Maybe this will be healed in time.
But I fear that it will be descabbed,
And we'll never be right again.

My thoughts contort in sad emotion.
I did a bad thing.
If there could be one thing I could fix
It would be that.

Horrible. Really, really bad. Maybe I'll post another one in the future.

Friction in Fractions

2005-03-01T11:15:00.000-08:00

Christina and I underwent a bit of a "bad moment" (for lack of better phrase). If you want to know the story, visit Mister Quack's blog and check his latest post.

Anyway, that's all in the past now and we're getting over it. We really want to see each other, but different schedules and cuntish parents are having a great time forming a wall between us. Damn, this sucks. I really feel like I need to see her so we can get back on the track we were on before (Sunday).

I could go on about that whole thing, but I'm sure you all are getting pretty tired of hearing about Christina. Even though she is perfect. God, I just hope we didn't wreck anything that we had.

BUT ANYWAY, I decided to pick up "A Game of Thrones" by George R.R. Martin. I doubt I'll finish it any time soon. I'm having a really hard time concentrating on much of anything right now, including writing.

And that brings us to writing. Let me inform you all on one simple but very true fact: I'm a terrible writer. I am. Big ego-stroker there. That's why I've been afraid to write anything for such a long time (going on a month now). I have tons of great story ideas, but the fact that I'll simply rape every one of them with my horrible writing keeps me from the keyboard. I'll probably get over this "phase" sooner or later, but right now I really don't feel like writing or even talking about writing too much.

Editing is going well, but my school server for some reason won't let me access my editor mail, so that's getting me pretty angry. Then again, a lot has been getting me angry lately, so that's not too out of the normal.

Nothing else to talk about. Good bye.

Happy Birthday Baby!

2005-02-28T10:08:00.000-08:00

It's Christina's birthday today! Well, actually, it's on Leap Year, but whatever. Still her birthday. Wish her well!

Christina, I wish I could give you your presents now, but we can't see each other this week and it makes me angry. Oh well. Next time you see me I'll be wearing jeans. Aren't you happy?

Happy b-day, hon! *smooch*

Getting My Mack On

2005-02-27T15:52:00.000-08:00

I write this to you from the humble abode of Mister Quack (see "Blogs I Read" section). Well, today Kyle and I went to the park to visit my beloved Christina. Amidst lots o' cuddling, I received a total of five kisses: one in the frozen food section of a supermarket, another in the middle of the park, another behind the swings, another near the swings (tongue), another ten seconds after that one (tongue), and another before we parted (tongue).

As you can see, I'm doing well. I still feel like a dork for actually keeping count, but it was awesome and I'm not going to let my idiocy let me ruin my joy. She's so perfect. I miss her already. I can't wait to see her again. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. I swear to God I just made out with my smoothie. Um. Yeah.

Anyway, Christina is perfect and she is mine alone. Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha! I'm so awesome. She's awesomER. I need.

Well, this is falling far from coherent, so I'll leave you all to your BORING lives as I live it up with the Most Wonderful Girl on the Planet.

First Kiss

2005-02-25T10:06:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Christina and I shared our first kiss. It was a very magical moment, to say the least. Very wet, too. I'm very, very happy.

But yesterday was bittersweet.

After the sweet kiss of Christina's, I encountered the bitter that would completely fuck up my whole life for the next week. Different school schedules. Because of one school having "shortened day" today and the following week, Christina and I will be bereft of each others' presence. AND I'm grounded from the phone so we won't be able to talk. This sucks so goddamn much.

There really isn't too much else to say on the subject besides that Christina is the only happy thing in my life right now. She's so perfect. The only thing that keeps me from completely obliterating the entire world right now is the memory of her kiss and the promise of more. I miss her so much. Not even GreenDay can make me feel happy right now.

Fuck the world. Anarchy wins this post.

Live Without Warnin'

2005-02-24T09:02:00.000-08:00

With two days of complete dormancy at my back, equipped with the lack of the requisite presence of Christina, I have but two words to say: GreenDay rocks.

Yes. Laugh.

I am slightly ashamed, yes, but my opinion of them is not wavering in the least. They kick ass. Sure, they're a poser neo-punk/emo band, but they're still awesome. I have no idea how they do it. Their tunes are always so uplifting and make me so happy, even after an extremely shitty day. The feeling I get when I listen to them is indescribable... something hidden between happiness and cleanliness. It's very, very odd.

Writing? Pequino. Editing? Grande. Two accepted stories, two rejected, and one unread. Making good headway. Soon I'll crank out my own little horror story to include in the first issue of Unhallowed Sanctum. The story is pretty good, but I'll completely rape it once I actually put pen to paper. That I can tell you for sure.

Christina has been on my mind 24-7. She's so great. Everything about her. And then last night I made one of the worst mistakes ever: I made her sad. Why? Because I'm a motherfucking asshole. Pardon my French, but that's the truth. I'm a bad person. I feel so bad about what I said. She sent me an email about it... I replied saying how sorry I was.

Goddamn. I deserve to die.

TIME FOR SOME GREENDAY.

I Was a Teenage Punk Rocker & Other Curious Yarns

2005-02-22T11:21:00.000-08:00

As I cave in my eardrums with Lostprophets, I can't help but notice just how goddamn stupid everyone is. Everyone sucks. They all do. I had a freaking meltdown Friday because of just how fucked up this country is. And why am I one of the few teens who's even aware of all the shit that's happening around us? Because I pay a bit of attention? I have no idea. Everyone is stupid. I rest my case.

Other than that and drinking some nasty gin and a bit of an equally unappetizing margarita, my three-day-weekend was pretty uneventful. I talked to my beloved Christina much-much. She's so per--excuse me, Andrew--FLAWLESS. I want to be with her so bad right now, but alas, life is a bitch and I'm forced to face the next three hours with not a complaint in my throat or a tear in my eye. Woe is me.

Christina is so hot. You don't even know. She's going to wear a fancy-wancy skirt for me today. That makes me happy. Also, I'm looking forward to my vaguely promised "hug & maybe more." Hint hint, nudge nudge.

Also, 'tis our week anniversary. Roll out the red carpet and toss the confetti.

I'm so bloated right now it's not even funny. It really isn't. Anyway, I gotta get to third period. Such is life.

Christina

2005-02-18T12:58:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking about her all day. It's so hard to concentrate on anything, and it still amazes me that I could complete my algebra quiz today without images of her flawless smile floating into my mind. She's so perfect. So goddamn perfect it's not even funny. I'm on top of the world right now, and yet I feel like I'm in the pits because I still have to wait another two and half hours before I can see her. And what's more, I can't see her this weekend because I'll be out of town with my grandparents. Gram and Gramp, I'm glad you guys don't mind a big phone bill.

Christina is so beautiful. I'm the luckiest guy in the world to have her. And she's definately one of the sweetest people I've met. And very intelligent, though she hides it with her intended "ditsiness." She really is smart, but sometimes she's just a bit absent-minded. That's not anything bad. Shit, I've been absent-minded all day with her constantly on my mind.

I can't wait to see her. Today I think I'm going to try something new in our relationship, no matter how young it is. Nothing extreme, but I may be rushing it. I hope not. If I do end up "rushing it," I'll insert this nail into my cranium as punishment. And then I'll beg for forgiveness.

Last night we talked for over three hours. I don't know how many times I ranted on about how utterly perfect she is, but I still don't think it was enough. Lest I be admonished, I quit after a while, but it was very hard to remain silent. God, she's so GODDAMN PERFECT. I still can't believe she's mine. If love has its limits, I've definately soared over them.

I am The Luckiest Guy in the World. And if anyone disagrees, they will be promptly shot in the foot.

*sigh* Christina. I believe I wrote a poem about her last week, but I can't remember. It was probably crap anyway. I'm a horrible poet. There aren't enough good adjectives to describe Christina. Truthfully.

*whines* I miss her. I would call her right now, but I don't own a cell phone. Such is the reliability of technology.

So. Christina is perfect. I still don't think I've exactly established that fact, so I'll say it again: Christina is perfect. I've told her so, but she disagreed. Why? It's beyond me.

I want her so bad right now.

The only thing that's kept me from announcing my feelings about her to the whole world (excluding the internet) is the fact that I've been chewing the same gum for the last four hours. *chomp!*

So. Why is Christina perfect?

Well, bud, why are hot pockets square?

Simply because that's how they are. Now cut and paste that last statement to the former question. Still fits.

God. I am the Luckiest Guy in the World. And if anyone is to disagree with me, they will be promptly shot in the foot.

Totally Taken

2005-02-16T11:07:00.000-08:00

So.

I asked Christina out yesterday.

What did she say?

Yes.

Am I happy?

You can't imagine.*

As Tyler of Waffle Kingdom so accurately put it, I'm "rolling all sevens" in life: new girlfriend, editor of new e-zine with two submissions already received, not bad grades...

Why did life so suddenly choose to be good to me now of all times?

I have no answer, but I'm loving it nonetheless.

I can't stop thinking about Christina, and it's growing increasingly more difficult to focus on the submissions I'm considering and trying to advertise Unhallowed Sanctum and email Kyle every freaking two seconds with new ideas or mistakes I've located on the site. I've got quite a connoirship in nitpickyness.

With all that's been going on, I haven't squeezed in enough time or effort to write. Sorry. BUT I have decided to donate a story of mine (horror) to Unhallowed Sanctum for its first issue. Shibby.

Anyway, back to Christina. What is there to say? So much. Oh, and guess what. I found out she's liked me for a couple months now. That makes me slightly angry, considering I've had feelings for her twice that amount and all this could have happened so long ago.

But I'm still happy. God, I'm happy.

I'll return to my rant about my girlfriend soon enough, but right now I lack the time and the adjectives, so goodbye.

*You really can't.

Plaguing the Industry: Part II

2005-02-15T10:57:00.000-08:00

I just got my rejection notice of "Billy Winston and the Nightflower" from Travel Guide to the Haunted Mid-Atlantic. Oh well. The editor gave me some very useful information. She said that the description and atmosphere was done wonderfully, but my characterization was close to zip. Which is true. I haven't been known to create great characters in the past, but I'm getting there. I hope.

On to the next one!

Also, Unhallowed Sanctum is now listed in the 4theLuv Markets at Ralan.com. Man oh man, we're good. In the last three days we've been live we've had almost 400 views of our site. Now that we're posted at Ralan.com, we're gonna have a traffic back-up fo' sho'. Awesome, no?

Super-duper.

Also, Tyler of Waffle Kingdom has prepared a horror submission to send over to me. I expect nothing less of amazing. Tyler is extremely talented.

Before I forget, please visit the Blue Monday Forum. We're in need of activity. I know it's only been alive for a couple days, but I don't want it to fall into the pits before it takes its first few blinks.

That's about all, dudes and dudetts.

Till next time.

Cupcakes & Horseradish

2005-02-14T13:17:00.000-08:00

Blue Monday now has a FORUM. Gee whilickers, that is COOL! So, anyone who's interested, go check it out and register or lurk. Whhhaaaatever. I don't care. Just do SOMETHING.

Man, I had too many mints today.

Oh yeah, it is now common belief that Christina has a crush on me. Damn, I am awesome.

Blue Monday Press

2005-02-11T10:14:00.000-08:00

Kyle, Andrew and I have formed a small press and we're now accepting submissions for our upcoming fantasy and horror e-zine called Unhallowed Sanctum. Didn't see that one coming, now did you? :p

Anyway, I hope some of you guys are interested enough to submit to us, even though we're not yet paying contributing artists or authors. We'll soon be posted in the 4theLuv Markets section at Ralan.com. Check out our homepage.

If you have any questions about submissions, email me, the editor. If you have any suggestions for the website, email Kyle, the webmaster. If you have any questions that don't exactly fit into either of those categories, email Andrew, the director.

Also, I'd like to thank Kyle for his AWESOME work on the website. He worked for days on making that sucker shine. Also, I'd like to thank Andrew for his invaluable suggestions and help.

So, what do you guys think?

Old school, biatch!

2005-02-10T11:16:00.000-08:00

Recently I decided to start picking up some of the "classics." So now I'm reading a collection of the works by H.P. Lovecraft (absolutely amazing) and after that I'll be reading a Conan collection by Robert E. Howard. This weekend I'll be searching for a collection of the works of Edgar Allan Poe, because Poe's awesome. Of course.

I'm also going through some Terry Pratchett withdrawal. Funny, because I've only read one of his books and I'm already really familiar with his writing/writing style. He's friggin' hilarious.

So, yeah. Not much going else in the life of Ian. Things between Christina and me are going quite well. Shibby. Also, I'll be going to my grandparents' place this weekend to bathe in the peace of the countryside and four meals a day and lots o' love from the big GPs. So much for the weight-loss shit. :p

Nah, I'll still be exercising. Actually, I've noticed lately that I've been looking a fraction slimmer. Aren't I just sooo cool?

Not really, but I can keep telling myself that.

Bye-bye, my dudes and dudetts.

Another? Blasphemy!

2005-02-07T20:58:00.000-08:00

I wrote one complete short story today. Horror. Pretty short, actually--only about two thousand words, but it was fun to write and I'd certainly be interested in writing another "short-short" someday.

Anyway, I just finished editing it. Not bad stuff, if I do say so myself. I just sent it off to Graveyard Shift. I'll probably be getting a reply in about a month.

Till next time.

Another Market

2005-02-05T15:04:00.000-08:00

Submitted "Journey's End" to Ambitions. Should be receiving a reply in approximately two weeks.

I'm at it again!

Consideration? Nay...

2005-02-05T13:12:00.000-08:00

The editor replied. Nope, they couldn't include it in their next issue, but they did say, however, that they'd be interested in more of my writing in the future.

That's cool. I guess. At least they liked it.

So that's two rejections for "Journey's End." My baby's unwanted, heh. I'll find her a home sooner or later. Some publisher's bound to like it and ACTUALLY INCLUDE it in their magazine/anthology/whatever. Thank God for Ralan.

Nah, I'm not too upset. Key word: too.

But if I got at least an interest and I've only sent out about, oh, six works of my writing to publishers, I'm well on the way to...something good, I hope.

Till next time, folks.

Consideration? Mayhaps...

2005-02-04T17:51:00.000-08:00

Lullaby Hearse replied to me saying they really enjoyed the story, but they were disappointed with the ending, as was Kyle and a few others.

So...what does that mean? I don't know. They didn't really specify if they were accepting it or not, so I don't really know what to think. So I replied asking them if they want me to redo the ending or if they're flat-out rejecting it.

I don't know.

All I do know is that I'm happy a professional publisher enjoyed the story.

Who knows...this could be my first big sale!!!!

A Recap

2005-02-03T10:36:00.000-08:00

Well. I'm sure you're all wondering: So, did he ask her out?

And the answer is...

NO.

When I got to see her yesterday she was really caught up with family plans and whatnot. I only got to squeeze in a few words before she had to leave. I was sort of relieved. I was beginning to have second thoughts about the whole thing, anyway.

Nevertheless, that sucked ass.

But I talked to her on YIM for at least three hours last night. Pretty cool. We talked, which is obvious. It's really cool because she now trusts me with all her secrets, and she's not hesitant to bring up touchy subjects. That's always cool. So we're good friends now, I guess. I've always considered her a friend, but I suppose she sees me as a much closer one than I'd presumed, seeing as how most of the stuff we talked about were things she was loathe to talk to her other friends about. No complaints here.

I found out a few things while talking to her. It turns out she was cheating on Michael (big surprise there :p) with some other dude for about two weeks and that she meant to break up with Michael...but didn't for some reason that I seemed to have forgotten. Then the dude she was going out with found out she was at a party with "a lot of guys" and that she was commenting on who was "hot or not." You can guess his reaction. Anyway, he broke up with her over IMing, which is a really stupid way to do it, IMHO. Then, like ten minutes later when Chrissy and I were talking, he IMed her again and said that he made a mistake and he wanted to be with her again. So Christina became confused. She then resorted to asking me what she should do about this whole Michael/other dude fiasco. As much as I despise Michael, I analyzed both of the dudes by asking her questions on how they treated her, had they ever done anything for/to her, etc. Truthfully, I really want Christina to be happy, and if that means she's gonna continuing "dating" Mister Fuckbean, I won't stand in her way. So I acted as her guardian angel, pretty much. It felt good, being that caring friend. Actually, it felt REALLY good. I mean, I wasn't dissecting her present thoughts on the situation by saying Michael's a flippin' retard or anything like that--I was just calling it as I see it, with the exception of any overly-opinionated comments. Sound good? I think so.

So I helped her with that. Then we talked to each other some more, on several different subjects. Then I switched the topic a bit. I asked her if I'd ever made her uncomfortable. She replied simply, "No." I asked if she was sure and she said yes, and then she followed that up with asking me why I was asking that. I told her that we were really touchy-feely back at Brian's party and I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable at all, and that if I had, I was really, really sorry. And I wasn't lying. The last thing I'd want to do is make her feel uncomfortable. I really care for her, ya know. She said that that was totally fine and she didn't feel bad about it at all. Which was cool. Very cool.

So am I mad because of the certain turn of events?

Not at all.

I mean, I really, really, really care about Christina. I'd do anything to make her happy, even if it meant pointing her in the direction of the "right guy" or whatever. Being her guardian angel ain't so bad. I get to talk to her and I love that. I get to help her, which is one of the most fulfilling things I've ever felt. I get to learn more about her, and that's always beneficial when I'm trying to help her out. Am I angry about not getting her? Not presently, no. I like Christina a lot--I like her much more than any of you have probably thought. And this really feels good.

And who knows? Maybe I'll eventually get what I originally wanted in the end.

We'll see.

Taking it slow...

2005-02-02T10:27:00.000-08:00

Remember that little headbanger I went with to Twisted X-Mas a couple months ago? Christina? I bet you do. I know I wouldn't forget her, seeing as how I haven't.

Well, I went to my friend Brian's sister's house Saturday for Brian's birthday party. See, Kyle and I met Brian back up at Camp Sacramento (really cool place where we run around wreaking havoc) and we all really liked each other and hung out all the time. But Brian lives in Modesto, so Kyle and I never get to see him. And since Brian made a good handful of friends from Sacramento back at camp, he had a whole separate party in Sacramento to spend with his friends there (i.e. me, Kyle, Brian's make-out participant dubbed Trixie, Erinn, and Christina).

But back to the story...

Christina gave me a ride to Brian's party. When we arrived, I hugged and groped everyone playfully. Aren't I a brag? Not really--we're just weird. Before Christina and I even got to the party, we were already really into each other, or at least I was and she made it blatantly obvious that she was. So I had some high hopes for what would come later that night.

But unfortunately Christina's "boyfriend," Michael (who's a complete flippin' retard who does stupid things to get attention and acts like he isn't trying to get attention--you know what I mean) was there, and, of course, that would hinder my efforts of trying to get with Christina. Sounds like a lost cause, eh? Nah. I'm persistent. Seeing as how Michael doesn't know a shit's worth about relationships, he didn't even hold her hand or sit with her until the very end of the party, which I'll get to. Shy little prick. Why Christina ever went for him is beyond me. But I'm getting sidetracked again...

Since Michael was virtually out of the picture, I dove in for Christina. Things went well. Seeing as how I'm a handsome, charming sonuvabitch (I'm at least right on the charming part--she totally digs my humor and antics) she went for me too. Intermittently throughout the party people would find her and I leaning against each other or wrapped in each other's arms, holding hands or innocently flirting. Good, no? Aye, good. Things were very good. So good. I never thought Christina had any especially strong feelings toward me, but after that experience I was certain that she'd had some interest in me. Which is good. So good.

So that lasted for about four hours. Then everyone went out stargazing, or that's just what it turned out to be. By then Michael had mustered his puny little strength and latched onto Christina awkwardly. I could see in her eyes that she didn't like it too much, but she eased into it because she's a sweet and nice girl and, naturally, didn't want to hurt his feelings. So, since Brian and Trixie were having a dandy ole time together, Kyle and his girlfriend Lauren were comfortably molded into a ball of groping limbs and puckered lips, and Christina and Michael were...well, just there, sort of cuddling, if that's what you call it when the girl slyly keeps trying to stray away from the guy, I left. I replayed the times Christina and I were together and began to fit together all the implications like puzzle pieces. While I was doing that, I saw Christina squirm out of an attempted massage Michael was utterly failing to perform and mutter, "It tickles." That brought a smile to my face. I'd executed many massages on Christina, all successful (except for maybe one that I chose to do at the wrong time a few months back). So it was confirmed. Michael was a no-go and I was a rumbling a-go-go.

When it was time to go, I gave Christina a massage. She liked it--more than she'd liked any of my previous! Which is a +. That went well.

Then it was time for me to depart. And I did, sullenly and stubbornly.

But, hey, I did good, did I not? I think I did.

So for the past few days I've just sort of "played it cool" with Christina, talking to her a bit--that kinda stuff. On Monday she seemed to be a little sad. I attempted to comfort her and the dreaded name "Michael" managed to creep its rotten self out of my mouth. Blast. She told me that she "really didn't want to talk about Michael right now." That's probably good, but I could tell that she was going through some inner turmoil. I felt bad for what I'd done. The next day I pulled her aside from her group of friends and told her that I was sorry and (well, let's just call it "extremely implied") extremely implied that I cared for her. That brought a smile to her face, an art I've a black belt in.

So today I think I'm just gonna drop the bomb and ask her out. Sound good? I think so. It seems kind of abrupt since we've been "taking it slow" a bit, but I think it's about the right time. Whadya think, guys?

Meanwhile, I'm going to try as hard as I can to not think about Christina today, up until The Thing That I Have to Do.

I just hope she cares for me in some way. I know I like her a lot, and from all the gathered evidence, I think she may like me too.

We'll just see.

Blah

2005-01-27T16:53:00.000-08:00

Need I say more?

Sooo...why am I updating? For no particular reason at all. Thus is the life of the one known as Ian.

As for writing? I'm inching along a small story I'll probably submit to some e-zine or something. Blah.

I just got an email from Beyond the Mundane informing me that I'll probably get a letter determining acceptance/rejection within the next three months. Talk about sucky.

Why am I a worthless speck dotted on the world that is the windshield of a broken down slug-bug? Simply because I think about writing and story ideas way too much more than I actually get down and DO IT. Now don't get me wrong--I write, oh I write. But I just think about it more--and it pisses me off!

But enough with that.

Life? Talk about bland. Other than regaining FULL CONTROL--*gasp!*--of my laptop, nothing INCREDIBLY special has come up, other than a project Kyle, Andrew and I are all working on. And no!--you may not know what the secret is! Bad! Don't you see the Confidentiality Sign?

If I'm weirding you out, good. That is my purpose.

I bid you good-day.

Forlorn Tower: A Novella

2005-01-24T15:49:00.000-08:00

That's right. FT came in at almost 17k, a "legal" novella. Now that it isn't a short story, I plan on submitting it all on its own to a small press. I'm still editing it and I'll probably get finished with that tonight. After that, I'll submit it to the publisher I already got "interested," if that's what you wanna call it when they grant you permission to submit the story after querying.

But, yeah, that's really cool. A novella. *sighs deeply*

Also, JW Schnarr, a fellow budding author I met at The Undead messageboard, has granted me permission to link his blog and website to my sidebar. I have yet to read any of his work, but I do plan on it. He's a really nice guy, and a big zombie fan by the looks of it. If any of you have the time, pop in and say hello to the guy.

Also, I proposed another project to Kyle--loosely tied in with writing--but I'll wait until his decision before announcing it.

Stay tuned.

A new project

2005-01-19T11:06:00.000-08:00

Friggin' awesome!

My friend Kyle and I have decided to collaberate on a western/horror story to submit to the above. It's gonna be cool. This is my first collaberation. It's pretty difficult because we don't really see each other EVERY day so we have to resort to emailing ideas to each other back and forth. It's good fun, though. Kyle's got a mind for good plot and characterization and I'm the grammatical freak of the two, with a few good attributes of my own.

If you guys haven't helped out with the tsunami yet, this would be a great way to do it. Kyle and I are really stoked about writing a kick-ass western/zombie story for a good cause. I recommend anyone--even those that don't write horror--to try this one out.

Ciao.

Plaguing the industry

2005-01-17T22:13:00.000-08:00

"Journey's End" got rejected. Blah. Damn, I wanted to be included in that anthology. I'm workin' hard to shrug it off, though.

Well, I made a few revisions and sent it off to Lullaby Hearse, a horror magazine. I know I told you that before, but there was a bit of confusion with Permuted Press, so things got a bit whacked-out. Man, I'm just going hog-wild, aren't I?

I haven't been able to write diddly-crap all weekend. I can't even finish "Forlorn Tower" which only needs a few thousand more words! Gadzooks! Something about FT is just keeping me away from it, but I can't figure it out. I cranked out a few hundred words on it, all of them crap, and I just can't put my finger on what's going on with this damned story. I got it all planned out, just... *throws up his hands in defeat* I'll try again some time later this week.

I knew I had to write SOMEthing this weekend, so I crapped out half of a really short gladiator/arena story thing. I might just submit it to Silven Trumpeteer, or I might submit it to some other e-zine/magazine I find at Ralan. Damn, I love Ralan. I swear I'm addicted to it. I feel really guilty that I've been spending more time there than on Microsoft Word :p

I was going to see A Series of Unfortunate Events this weekend, but plans changed and I didn't. I guess that's what I get for going to see Darkness. Christ, that movie was HORRIBLE. Don't see it, please don't. The main character returns to a childhood house in Spain...but he has an IRISH accent?! Need I say more?

Anyway, I hope you all had a super-duper Martin Luther King Jr. Day. As for me, I sat back and watched Remember the Titans. Good movie.

Ciao.

PS: Two consecutive posts with the word "plague" in it? I swear I'm spelling out my future. Have mercy on me, flu.

In a world plagued of turnips and ranch dressing...

2005-01-15T19:11:00.000-08:00

...there is only Ian Kappos, lone moron, with nothing better to do but update his blog.

So. Sent off "Billy Winston and the Nightflower" to Travel Guide to the Haunted Mid-Atlantic. Received email from Hungur Magazine asking me to notify them when I receive rejection/acception from anthology I submitted "Balthazar the Bloodletter" to. Did some other stuff, sprinkled with the love and joy of no internet all afternoon and homemade cookies.

Now I have to go interest myself in absolutely nothing. Such is life.

Supporting the small faction of starving writers...

2005-01-13T15:43:00.000-08:00

...by buying a PDF version of Goblin Tails: The Anthology. Just to let you know, I probably would have eventually bought this even if I hadn't known a few of the authors who contributed a story to this wonderful anthology.

Anyway, this anthology is great fun. I haven't had so much fun exploring a colorful tapestry of a world since I first read The Rover by Mel Odom. It's awesome. I'm currently on Chris McCoy's second story, called "The Goblin, the Devil and the Wizard." The first one was good, but it was mainly an introduction, so I don't really think of it so much as a short story.

Aside from a few grammatical mistakes I came across, what I've read has been splendid. Can't wait to get to the rest. Also, when surfing around and clicking any link in clicking range, I came across Chris McCoy's blog and found a mention of a second Chuba anthology. I'm already waiting to buy it. I've got nothing but high hopes for Goblin Tails.

In other un-goblin-y news: I finished a historical vampire horror story set in the Civil War that I plan on submitting to "The Travel Guide to the Haunted Mid-Atlantic," a horror anthology being co-published by Permuted Press (The Undead) and The Mid-Atlantic Horror Association. *crosses fingers* I hope I can nail an acception on this one. To tell you the truth, I doubt it'll be accepted, as the story doesn't focus a lot on the area it's set (South Carolina) and that's mainly the anthology's theme. Ah, well. One's trash is another's treasure.

OH!--and I forgot to tell you guys: "Journey's End" was not rejected. Woot! It turns out that Jacob (the editor) had made a mistake and emailed me informing that JE had been rejected, when it was in fact "Exposure" that had been rejected. So JE is still buried somewhere in the "to read" pile. I'm really hoping this one gets through...

Wow! Another two-post day, eh? Goody gumdrops. Well, anyway, I plan on getting home some time within the next five hours, so until then I can continue to plan out a fantasy story I'll be submitting to a chapbook and...oh yeah, do homework. Grr. Damned education.

Ciao + 1.

Absolutely horrible.

2005-01-13T10:10:00.000-08:00

A gay kid commited suicide three days ago at a school close by. Apparently his parents hadn't approved of his sexuality, and he'd also been pestered by fellow students. He shot himself at school. I know that kind of stuff happens all the time--unfortunately--but that's one of the saddest things I've ever heard.

I myself have attempted to commit suicide many times, but decided against it eventually every time. Stuff like my mom being a drug-addict for the majority of my childhood, my dad ODing six months before I was born, being taken away from my mom, and having visitation rights between three different families and having to keep all their opinions of each other from reaching the other's ears have all drove me to try suicide. Only the fact that I have loving and caring friends and family has kept me from doing it.

Now this kid, a homosexual kid, being driven to suicide after not being accepted by the majority of the people around him--not to mention his parents!--makes me feel horrible. A whole lot of shitty things have happened to me, and this kid must have had it tenfold. It makes me want to cry.

And why do people cast out gay people? Why do they drive them to this horrible end? Why do they drive ANYONE to this horrible end? Why is there all of the prejudice in the first place? I can't answer that, not fully. All I know is that since the beginning of time, people have hated and people have been afraid. That's why people, gay or whatever, get killed or kill themselves. Because of all this. It's fucking terrible.

I have absolutely no problem with homosexuals. I grew up in San Fran, for Christ's sake! I've met lots of "different" people--and most of them have been okay (except for the drug-addicts). Especially gay people--they're completely normal, really. They live life, pay their bills, eat the same food as you, and put their pants on one leg at a time. Just because their sexuality is different makes others feel revulsion. Why? Because you can't check out cheerleaders together or watch the same "nude scene" in a movie over and over again and both enjoy it? Because it's so utterly out-there to you that you can't deal with it? This is reality. Gay people aren't just gonna go away. They'll be a part of your life for the rest of your life, and somehow, some time, you'll have to deal with it.

I'm not sure I'm making total sense to all of you. I've got so many jumbled thoughts on this subject that it's hard to keep any idea straight before another pops into my head. I'm not even sure if I'm done ranting yet--I've got so much else to say on the topic, but I know this is a touchy subject and I won't try to "influence" anyone, or however you want to say it.

The main subject was why people make others so goddamn depressed. Sexuality aside. I have two clinically depressed friends, one of which is suicidal, and that I care about very much. She's had a tough life too, and some people around her--her family, mainly--don't really understand the way she is, that she's bisexual, that she has very philosophical views that not many people around her agree with, that she's a very depressed person in the first place. And no one except her boyfriend and I really understand her. We're the only people she can talk to, and it makes me feel sad that this kid--the guy who commited suicide--had no one to go to, no one to talk to. And I'm very glad that my friend at least has two very caring people in her life that she can talk to, and I'm very grateful to be one of them. She's thankful too, I'm sure.

Guys, if you have any friends that you suspect may be depressed, talk to them. You may not even notice the crap they're going through in their lives, and they could end up like that kid at that school. Be a good friend and help them out. They need it. Be grateful for the friends you have, and do what you can to keep them alive and well, physically and mentally.

Again, I could add so much more to this, but I'm sure most of you are pretty tired of reading my extremely long rants, so I'll end it at that.

Ciao.

Worlds of D&D

2005-01-11T10:55:00.000-08:00

Found a link over at Candlekeep of this AWESOME new messageboard. Check it out--they've got discussion on all sorts of WotC gaming worlds, their novels, and everything else related to D&D.

I'll be adding it to the "Messageboards" list shortly. If anyone's interested, my user name is Ronk the Rancid.

Ed is Dead

2005-01-11T10:12:00.000-08:00

Wake up, buddy! *taps glass* He isn't moving. Hmm...fetch me the hammer...this could take a while.

Of Persistence and Honesty

2005-01-09T15:48:00.000-08:00

Writing update: Fixed up "Journey's End" and sent it to a magazine called Lullaby Hearse today. Still working on "Forlorn Tower"--it's up to almost 12k words now and still going. Awaiting replies from a couple of magazines/anthologies on a couple works I sent to them.

Kameron recently pointed out that it wasn't very smart to have sent my story "Balthazar the Bloodletter" to two different publishers. Winner of the Maiden of Pain open-call, I succumb to your wisdom. After thinking about it (for the first time, sadly) I realized that what he said was indeed true. Luckily, I notified the magazine I sent the story to that I'd sent the story to another publisher, so hopefully they got rid of it.

Now that that's cleared, lemme talk about something quite different. Recently I read over some of my previous posts and noticed just how much of an idiot I made myself sound in some instenses--maybe from incorrect spelling or grammar, or just from plain ole manner. I am ashamed. I know that I have some authors that come by here (Kameron Franklin and Ed Gentry, to name a couple) and to have seen mistakes like that posted on this blog makes me feel like a complete moron. Seriously, it does. And I really hope that those authors that do drop by haven't let those errors affect their opinion of me. Usually I'm a freak about grammar and spelling (just ask my friend Kyle) and I'm pretty aware of my behavior. Actually, I'm not sure if my behavior has been inappropriate in previous posts--it didn't seem too bad to me, but I tried looking at it at a different view and saw some things that I said could have had a viewer feel that I was really stupid or immature. If I have done that, I apologize, and vow to clean up my act.

There really isn't much else to say. Kyle, his dad, and I had an awesome weekend together--in that we all screwed around, had actual intelligent conversations *gasp*, and burned each other punk CDs. Very cool. Yesterday I went to my cousin John's 8th birthday, and ever since I've been wondering whether it's wrong or not to be attracted to a cousin the same age as you that's on your uncle's (NOT blood-related) side of the family. The girl's like my aunt's husband's sister's daughter. If it's wrong, I'll get some pills or something, because that truly is freaky. Someone told me that I'm about as related to her as a neighbor, but I'm iffy. Anyway, I think I better stop talking about this. It's freaking me out and bound to lose me a few viewers.

Well, that's it. Bye-bye, people.

The Authornator

2005-01-06T16:12:00.000-08:00

I got my rejection letter from Permuted Press (The Undead) yesterday on "Journey's End." For some reason I didn't really react; I'd already really predicted that it'd get rejected--the beginning was choppy and the ending was a nosedive, if you know what I mean.

Still awaiting my rejection letter about "Exposure," but for some reason I haven't gotten it yet, which is weird because I submitted it two months before submitting "Journey's End." Either they haven't read it yet, or they're considering accepting it, which is highly unlikely. "Exposure" sucked, just to put it lightly. Sucked MAJOR. No plot. Absolutely no character development. And a whole lot more useless crap that I stuck in there on a whim. It was shite on a stick. Turd in a salad bowl. Poopoo on a platter. All that.

Over break I submitted an old fantasy story of mine entitled "A Wizard's Revenge" (which runs just over 2k words) to The Goblin Reader. I'm also waiting for a reply from Beyond the Mundane on "Balthazar the Bloodletter," which, according to popular opinion, is another crap caserolle (or however you spell that acursed word). Just for @$*&s and giggles, I submitted BtB to Hungur Magazine, a Vampire Only magazine. So if Beyond the Mundane rejects BtB, I've got a great back-up. And if both accept, I'll flip a coin.

So. New term. Woot. New classes. Woot + 1. I've got Algebra 1A again for some stupid reason, seeing as how I managed to raise my D in that class to C+ in just two weeks. I'll get it worked out. Also, because of my amazing display of effort on the Photography final among other things, Ms. Everett--my photo teacher that took waaaay too much crap from me that term--passed me. Friggin' awesome! *does victory dance*

Anyway, on to my ***new*** classes. I'm still in Newspaper, which is cool. I've got some weird World Geography class that isn't even required for a freshman for third period, and it's being taught by the principal himself! No matter. The principal loves me and I'm a Geography GENIUS. Seriously. Well, I've also got a kick-ass English class for my last class. It's awesome. The teacher--Ms. Cuellar--is really effin' cool because she loves Nirvana and one of my dad's old punk bands, The Hot Spit Dancers, and she's got an enjoyable class. Woohoo. Big change there.

FT--"Forlorn Tower" for those of you that don't remember or never cared--is coming along well. It's almost at ten thousand words right now. It'll probably end up somewhere around 14k. Yay. Longest story. And not only will it be my longest, it's some of my best writing EVER. Kyle freaking loves it. And I love it. And I love writing it. It's all great. It's weird because I've been writing it on and off for a while now and I've NEVER got tired of it. And that is especially odd because I usually trash anything that I don't give a crap about anymore. Anyway, I'll probably submit it to Black Gate magazine, which I hear is very cool.

And despite how long this post is turning out, I'm gonna get back to talking about "Journey's End," just so you guys can hear more of my pointless rants. Cool, huh? You bet your bottom dollar. Talleeho! Onto "Journey's End."

JE was cool. I loved writing it. I got a lot of praise on it, actually. Some of my scenes that were intended to be scary ACTUALLY WERE scary! *gasps* Wow! I never thought I could do it! I am truly proud of that particular piece of writing, even if it did get rejected. And when it got rejected I felt really good about myself. You wanna know why? Because I felt like an author. I had done all the writing, I'd edited, and I'd sent it off to a publisher. Don't ask me why I feel any more like an author now than I did ere this post. It's just the whole feeling that I was actually doing something with myself--I was writing and sending off work to publishers! You guys might not get why I feel so good about myself, and I understand. It probably all sounds stupid, but it's how I feel. I feel like an author, even if I'm not technically published, though I vow (vow) that I will get published one day, because I'll never ever give up writing, no matter what. And I've never been more sure of something in my life. I'm a quitter, but I'm not giving this up. I'll be here for a long time, folks. A long, long time. Because I am The Authornator.

Rant over. I hope you guys enjoyed that mismatched essay of mismatched stuff. And if any of the subjects I bring up sound tedious to you, too bad. Because it'll be happening a lot more, don't doubt it.

Ian out.

Beautiful, ain't it?

2004-12-31T15:03:00.000-08:00

A bit of remodeling helps calm the nervous mind. Or something random like that. Anyhoot, I'd like to thank two of my good friends that helped me with this blasted html: Kyle Pate and Joseph Reed. Thanks, guys. I'm in your debt and eternally thankful for your tolerance of my computer retarded...ness. Hmmm...maybe the retarded-ness works all 'round? Whatever.

Anyway. I woke up this afternoon. Ate. Watched Dumb and DumberER. Sat around. Decided to lurk around on the internet. Um. Did stuff. Checked email. Got EC's newsletter. Went to Candlekeep. Did stuff. Had a splendid time.

That about sums up my day. Boy, I'm a role-model, ain't I? Eat your heart out. Punk rocks. I've been listening to D.O.A. and the Ramones waaaaaaaaay too much lately. Then again, who can't get enough D.O.A. and Ramones? Spited!

Ooooooh! Got some new fancy boxers. Eight dollars each--a bargain! *mutters* But they are awesome. One is pink and red and has pink and red and white hearts on it. Woo! The other one is gray and has a picture of the forest on it and says in log-letters: Morning Wood. Attractive.

Well, the blog looks cool. I added Ed's forum to my Messageboards list. Hopefully that'll compel outsiders to stop by, but my efforts will most likely be for naught. Ah well. I tried, Ed. I tried. Forgive me.

Let's see...what else did I do? Oh yes. Today is December 31st. Fancy that. Sometime in the next few days I'll be receiving my rejection letter from The Undead. Man, I'm soooooo egotystical. Oh yes, and I'll also be receiving my rejection letter from Beyond the Mundane: Vampires and Werewolves and Monsters, Oh My! I concur. Oh my!

Popular belief right now would most likely be something along these lines: "What the hell is this kid on?" But, alas, I'm not on anything. Unless you count my rickety chair set in front of the computer. Gawd, aren't I dry? Yes, I really am. I think it's time for a shower.

Tata, people leading normal lives.

Ian out. *collapses*

Journey's End

2004-12-28T19:31:00.000-08:00

Since I've got nothing better to do, I'm going to list all the books I've read in the last month and tell you how good they are (if they were good):

1. Starless Night by R.A. Salvatore-- This is about my ninth Drizzt book and I have to say that as much as I love RAS, his writing's starting to get really bland. The first hundred or so pages flew by and were pretty uneventful, and after that everything was stuffed with a whole bunch of needless detail. The only really great parts of the book were probably when Drizzt was reunited with his old sverfnebli friend, Belwar, and the scene when Drizzt and co. were being chased across the stalactite bridges by Baenre guards. Other than that, I found this book pretty boring and hope to God that Siege of Darkness promises more. 6 out of 10.
2. The Destruction of the Books by Mel Odom-- This is the sequal to one of my favorite fantasy epics, The Rover. Although the story focuses on a different character--the assistant to The Rover's main character--I found this book quite good. A few parts were opaque and hard to keep interest in, but it got really good, especially in the scenes with the main character's precesessor from the first book in the series. The dwarves were cool (they always are to me) and everyone else was great, especially the bad-ass wizard named Craugh. The only thing I have to complain about regarding characters is Juhg, the main character, who I found to be quite the ninny. Overall, 8 out of 10.
3. The Time Machine by H.G. Wells-- Ah, finally a smaller book that is actually intelligent! Although I'm not much for scifi books, The Time Machine was an exception, though I found it to be more on the adventure side. The prose is great, the detail vivid and rich, and everything else about it is just awesome. It's a wonder how great the writing is--and how easy it is to understand--as it was written more than a hundred years ago. 9 out of 10.
4. Salem's Lot by Stephen King-- Hands down, one of the best books I've ever read. Everything about this book was completely flawless. The characters were fresh and full of depth, the small-town life captured absolutely perfectly, and the horror elements utterly creepy. I would recommend this novel to anyone. I give it a perfect score, a 10 out of 10.
5. The Grim Grotto by Lemony Snicket-- Yes, I read A Series of Unfortunate Events. Even though they're cut out for smaller readers, there's a lot of dry humor that adults--or anyone, at that--could enjoy them. This one I found to be just a bit more boring, but laughable nonetheless. 7 out of 10.
6. The Rage by Richard Lee Byers-- This book proved itself to be a lot more readable than fantasy books have been for me lately. Even though there were "boring-spells," the book threw it in my face when I thought that it would be another goody-goody dragons + warriors + princesses tale. Lots of action, lots of nasty characters, a bucket of gore, and plenty of surprises. The dragons are portrayed perfectly and Mr. Byers finally introduces us to a fantasy troupe that isn't so cliche as others. Interesting and new characters that are a lot of fun, unlike the happy-dappy ones that I encountered in the first Dragonlance book. 8 out of 10.
7. Dawn of Night by Paul S. Kemp-- Mr. Kemp has once again blown me away. His characters are some of the best I've ever encountered, and I wouldn't hesitate to put his character-developing skills up there with Stephen King. Mr. Kemp's style is gritty and full of cruel surprises, and utterly dark--the way I like it! Skullport is portrayed with a master's hand. Characters are thrown into more havoc. Villains scheming up more schemes. I had an extremely difficult time pulling myself away from particular novel. Yet another perfect score. A 10 out of 10, ladies and gentleman.

Right now I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to read next since I've been bombarded with yummy new books for Christmas. I'm sort of reading Realms of the Dragons, but haven't made hardly any progress. I'm also reading little snippets out of a Bill O'Reilly book and a documentary on punk rock--*headbangs*--called Please Kill Me. For Christmas the books I received were The Alabaster Staff by Edward Bolme, The Yellow Silk by Don Bassingthwaite, Mistress of the Night by Don Bassingthwaite & Dave Gross, Realms of Mystery anthology, Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of PUNK, The Fifth Sorceress by Robert Newcomb, the last three volumes in Stephen King's Dark Tower series, and Dreamcatcher by Stephen King. Yeah, I know. It's a lot.

Other than my extremely large reading list, I finished "Just Waiting it Out" and retitled it "Journey's End." I've had my aunt and my esteemed friend Kyle edit it and both told me that the ending is hokie beyond belief. I edited myself--before them, if you must know--and fixed up the ending a bit so Kyle didn't have to give me so much shit about it. He still did, though. Typical Kyle. Anyway, just submitted it an hour ago or so. It'll be around three days before I get my rejection letter.

Anyhow, I've been working on Forlorn Tower. I don't think I'll be submitting it to Razor-edged Arcanum; I'm already six thousand words in, only two thousand words under the limit, and I've still got a fair amount of writing to do. So I think I'll probably submit it to some magazine. Black Gate seems the most likely. Once I get their rejection letter I'll continue circulating it throughout the whole publishing industry.

Unbook- and -writingwise, I haven't much to inform you about. I went through--yet another--depressive spell, but luckily this time my two great friends Lauren and Kyle were there for me. They're so awesome. After talking with them for a while I felt better, if a bit cleansed. I'm a very lucky guy to have two caring friends like these. If I didn't, this blog probably wouldn't exist, and neither would I--anymore, that is.

Well, it's been great talking to you all again. I hope you had a great holiday--I know I did.

Ian out.

A Recap

2004-12-13T11:24:00.000-08:00

That has got to be among the most bland titles I've ever thought of.

Anyway, yes, a recap.

So it turns out, Andrew, *glares* that it was not an emo concert; it was more of a concert containing a couple of really bad bands. So...My Chemical Romance sucked, The Donnas were stupid, Taking Back Sunday was okay, The Used were really good, and Papa Roach was really good.

Overall, not that bad of a concert, but I still enjoyed the KMFDM concert back in July much more.

But, there was Christina, and that made things a whole lot better.

During the time that the horribly horrible bands were playing, Christina and I (actually, just her) made the decision to go walk around the arena to pass the time. Not a bad idea, and it was obviously a good sign that SHE insisted on doing it rather than me, which proved that she was interested in hanging out with me and whatnot. So, we walked around. Woot.

Anyway, I mainly just cracked random jokes that always resulted with her breaking down into a giggle-fit. Which is awesome. I'm good at that. At one point we ran into this OTHER girl that I was obsessed with for over two years, but that's neither here nor there, because it was a pretty small episode. We said hi, talked, hugged, and said goodbye. Christina didn't even ask who the girl was, which was a good thing.

I couldn't help but notice that everything Christina did, she wanted me to do with her. I was more the show than the concert. But, hey, I'm not complaining. We snuggled a bit (a bit) as we watched the good bands play (my stupid over-protective parent told me before I left for the concert that I was not to be involved in anything moshpit-related). Yeah, that was cool.

As we drove home, I gave her a back-massage. Nothing "sensual," just a relaxing massage. She flinched a bit when I first started, but she slowly eased into it. Thank God.

Then they dropped me off.

I can't really say that I came out better than I went in, but I can say that I did have an awesome time, because I did. Good bands, good seats, good Christina. (Now that I think about it, I don't really think she'd appreciate me releasing her name to the public, but we can keep it between us, I suppose).

Other than that, I had a pretty uneventful weekend. I read a children's book, the latest installment in the A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket. I've been reading these books for a while and I know that they're for tots, but they're still entertaining with their dry humor and odd twists. I worked on Daughter of the Drow, but I must say that it has REALLY boring parts in it. More often than not, I found myself thinking about something totally unrelated to the story as I read. So I picked up some poetry, read a bit of that, then picked up a Bill O'Reilly book and read a few sections of that, then reorganized (is that a word?) my bookshelf a bit. When I was perusing the odd trinkets found underneath my bed, I found an old copy of The Time Machine by H.G. Wells and decided to pick that one up. Some light reading. I started it, but by that time it was 10:30 and time to hit the sack. So I'll probably finish it tonight, seeing as how it's only 130 pages.

Other than that #2: "Just Waiting it Out" is coming along very well. The beginning, I originally thought, would be the hardest section to write, but as I went I found that it wasn't that difficult at all. As it turns out, the first page of my outline turned into three pages of the full story! That's awesome.

Not much else. Seeya, guys. Ian out.

Dirty little headbangers!

2004-12-08T10:37:00.000-08:00

*shakes fist* Great news, everybody, but in order to get to the great news, the story has to start at the beginning, as do most.

So, my friend Kyle and I were talking. We usually have really philosophical conversations, but this time I chose to talk more about this girl I'm practically in love with. Well, he told me that I should stop chasing her around because she'd never go for me. At the time I pretty much believed it. The girl and I, we got along great. We talked, I gave her piggyback rides, (that SHE requested, mind) we went to basketball games, we went to summer camp together, and we did a whole bunch of other stuff. I always make her laugh, which I'm quite good at. For a time I was convinced that she had a crush on me, but I denied that thought because I honestly didn't think she'd be interested in having anything between us other than a Friend Relationship.

Well, after Kyle told me to stop chasing her around, I was pretty depressed. I felt really empty, as if my life was bland and didn't contain anything more than another's. That's when my aunt said to me offhandedly, "Oh, I forgot, Ian: Christina"--my heart jumped--"was wondering if you wanted to go to Twisted X-Mas with her on Thursday." Twisted X-Mas is a concert with a whole bunch of crappy emo bands and a couple of good ones. "Anyway, I'll take forty bucks out of your birthday money and add one more day to your grounding if you wanna go."

I eagerly agreed. Though hardly any of the bands at Twisted X-Mas are any good, besides Papa Roach, who's Okay, and Taking Back Sunday, who's Alright, I had to go. Christina was Inviting Me To A Concert With Her. I was totally thrown off when I first heard it and had a hard time keeping the stupid smile from spreading across my face. Thankfully my aunt didn't notice my change in demeanor.

So. I'm going to Twisted X-Mas with Christina. I'll get in the Mosh Pit, make an idiot of myself, and possibly come out of there better than when I came in. None of you can believe just how great I feel right now. I feel...lifted. That's the best word I can think of. It's as if all my stress and anger and [insert bad feeling here] was just lifted off my chest. I felt so good when I first heard the news. I mean...it's great. My thoughts are so jumbled right now that I can hardly organize them into coherent thoughts for you all to understand. I feel so good.

As much as I'd love to keep ranting about my "love life," I think you guys deserve a bit of decent news. Yesterday I finished "Balthazar the Bloodletter," my vampire story, and I thought that it was pretty damn good. I edited it in 3rd Period and gave it to my friend Tyler after school to edit. He friggin' hated it, though his editing was helpful and I appreciate that much. I'm just about to put all the corrections in right now and email it off to the publisher. We'll see how it comes out.

Anyway, seeya, guys.

Takin' a page outta your book

2004-12-06T11:44:00.000-08:00

Alright. This weekend I read Starless Night by R.A. Salvatore (ever heard of him?) and FINALLY finished The Destruction of the Books by Mel Odom. After that I decided to take another try at Realms of Shadow that's WAY overdue for the school library. After that I plan on reading either Siege of Darkness by RAS or Daugher of the Drow by Elaine Cunningham (another library book).

Besides that, I took a page out of Kameron and Ed's book. I wrote notes. In a notebook. Longhand. *sighs* I HATE writing longhand. But I did it. I wrote the whole outline to "Just Waiting it Out" last night. When I read over the outline, the story sounded like pure crap, but I'm sure it'll be better once I start actually writing it. Hopefully. I didn't write six pages of an outline so it'll be horrible.

Anyhoot, that's about all, unfortunately. Nothing much going on in my life right now. I'm working hard to bring my damn Photography grade up. I friggin' hate that class. For some reason, I have a D in Algebra and I'm doing fine in it. Eh. Maybe Mr. Navarro's just being a moron again. *mutters*

Also, my mom couldn't come down to visit me this weekend because I was grounded (I live with my aunt and uncle). She was pretty pissed. She started to try to get my uncle to let her come down and visit me, but the only thing she got in return was a bucket of "Go to hell"s and much more obscene insults.

You're probably all wondering why I live with my aunt and uncle and not my mom. Well, in short, family issues. I'll post later about the whole fiasco, but lunch is almost over now, so my time is limited and it would take a considerable amount of time to explain my family's mentally unbalanced tendencies.

Bye for now, folks.

A healthy dose of ploy

2004-12-02T10:29:00.000-08:00

Three easy steps to getting grounded for a month:

1. Argue with your parents about possession of your own laptop.
2. Punch your cousin in the face for being a dick and screwing the laptop up.
3. Add water.

*adds water* Yeah, that's right. Grounded for a month. Woot. No computer. No writing. Nada. So now I'm here writing this blog at school, wallowing in my act of supreme idiocy that lost my privilege of writing 1k words a day that I shouldn't even have to ask for since the laptop is my own.

...But! Yes, there's a "but." I'm now working on my writing at school during Newspaper class in which all staff writers are allowed to go to the computer lab to work on their stories. And I take time off lunch, which is directly after Newspaper, so I don't lose my pace. I'm just finishing up my vampire story that I'll be submitting to a vampire/werewolf/monster anthology. It'll be pretty short, probably won't even make it to 3k.

Anyway, I decided to quit "Subway of the Damned." Yeah, I know I said that it was coming along well before, but after rereading it I noticed that the story was genuine crap. Besides, I had no ending and there were a lot of holes I found in the plot. So last night I came up with a much more dramatic and "horrific" zombie story that is tentatively titled "Just Waiting it Out." I've got it pretty well planned-out. I'll start writing it once I'm done with my vampire story. Unfortunately, my laptop contains the "Forlorn Tower" document, so I can't work on it here, unless I sneak onto my computer when the family's gone and email to myself so I can download it into the computer at school (I couldn't bring it on a floppy, because the computers at school are Apples and only have disc drives). So I'll just have to wait until I'm over my grounding to work on FT. Thankfully the deadline for REA is Jan. 31, so I'll still have time remaining to finish it. I plan on finishing it very fast so I don't have to worry about it getting there late (he guidelines say that no e-subs are allowed, so unfortunately I have to do it postal).

Well, that's about all. Bye for now, viewers.

A commitment

2004-11-30T09:52:00.000-08:00

I've recently decided that every day--after school and whatever homework I have, of course--I will write a thousand words. A thousand words a day is very reasonable to me and that way I won't be tempted to do anything else (writing blog entries, for example :p). And this way I'll probably have my REA submission done by this weekend.

This is all getting me in a fairly good mood. I just hope nothing happens that'll prevent me from writing my daily 1k words. I'll come back with an update in a couple of days on how it's going.

Also, be sure to stop by at Ed's new forum regarding publishing your writing. Just go to his blog and click on the link of his latest post that'll take you to the forum.

The Andrew

2004-11-28T02:33:00.000-08:00

Everybody give a warm welcome to my good friend Andrew, a fellow wannabe author. Check out his website and give him a little more traffic, will ya? He's gettin' lonely. Also, note that the "Heil" was mispelled intentionally.

Anyway, yes, you presumed correctly. It is 2:40 in the morning. Andrew and I are pulling an all-nighter on the internet reserved to writing and screwing around in general. So far both of us have about a thousand words under our belts tonight--this morning, I mean. We started at...oh, about 10:30...then took a break at 11:50 and still haven't got back to work. Go us! We'll be great in another five years or so...working in cubicles with scant decoration, making blog entries and the such. I can see it now.

Oh well. Anyway, pay Andrew a visit. I'm sure he'll appreciate it.

PS: We were both pink bunnies this Halloween. Yes, I know. We are Gods.

Happy Thanksgiving and a whole bunch of other stuff!

2004-11-25T14:29:00.000-08:00

Happy Turkeyday, everyone! I hope all of you have fun conversing with family, friends and new acquaintances! May you all fill up on turkey, yams, mashed potatoes, and whatever other festivities are present!

So far I'm having a fair Thanksgiving. Not that it hasn't gotten very far yet :p I've eaten breakfast, taken a shower, worked a little more on "Forlorn Tower," (My Razor-edged Arcanum submission) and have caught up with friends and online friends.

As for writing, I've restricted myself from every other submission I have to complete so that I can catch up on "Forlorn Tower." I sent in the first half of it to my friend Kyle last night and he thought it was some of the best writing I've ever done (And he's read damn near all of it). Anyway, I couldn't help but think myself that this was in fact some of my best writing. For some reason it just clicked when I started writing it. My characters are well-laid out, (Though they could do with a bit more physical description) my plot's pretty straight forward and simple, and, in my opinion, my narrative is awesome! The story is hard to stay away from for a while and I find myself cranking out a couple hundred words every time I sit down to write it. The only problem I see--which could be the story's undoing--is that the story lacks heroism, which is said to be the anthology's central theme. In the end, the main character does end up being a hero after being an asshole throughout the story, but still...the story doesn't seem that epic--it's more sword and sorcery.

Oh well. I'll give it more thought and maybe try to add a few more elements to make it seem more "heroic."

Well, that's about all. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, everyone!

Birthday stuff

2004-11-23T22:50:00.000-08:00

Well, I got lots of good stuff for my birthday. Mostly books, but I got a good DVD and some random clothes. Anyway, if you're curious, here's a list of what I received:

1. The Ruby Guardian by Thomas (YAY!!!)
2. Midnight by Dean Koontz
3. On Fire's Wings by Christie Golden
4. The Halo Novelizations Trilogy boxed set by Various
5. The Two Swords by That One Guy
6. Dawn of the Dead Remake (A really bad-ass movie)

Also, my grandparents (the wonderful people that they are) ordered The Paths of Darkness boxed set by RAS for me, as well as Gardens of the Moon by Stephen Erikson.

I also had some awesome cake.

Woot. A great birthday 'twas!

Four Days and Counting...

2004-11-18T10:11:00.000-08:00

God, I wish I was one of those people who just completely forget about their birthday, because I'd be really surprised when someone shoots out of my closet and bellows, "Happy birthday!" But, alas, I am not, and I sit here counting the seconds, the minutes, the breaths, and baked potatoes until my birthday. November 22nd. JFK's tragic assassination and Rodney Dangerfield's comedic birthday.

Anyway, it's not so much my birthday I'm anxious for; it's mainly getting away from my family. The day after my birthday, I'll be leaving to spend Thanksgiving Vacation with my grandparents in their awesome mansion on the countryside of Stockton. There, I'll have the privilige of writing, reading in peace and without disruption, catching up with online buddies, updating my journal a bit more, perhaps changing the blog around, writing, getting presents, writing, doing basically what I want, getting presents, writing...

Anyhoot...ahem *straightens tie* As I was saying, I'll have a great time. Relaxation and time to complete all this writing (Mainly my second submission to The Undead and my submission to Razor-edged Arcanum, because both of those are the main anthologies I'd like to contribute to). There's not much else other than those handful of godsends. *silently hopes that he'll receive a copy of The Ruby Guardian as a birthday present*

Oh well. I think that's enough of this wallowing on my birthday. Farewell!

Eeeek. Stress is the work of Satan!

2004-11-15T11:01:00.000-08:00

Don't you agree? Anyway, it's another week until my birthday. That'll also be the day when I get my computer back from it's operation. Unfortunately, I'll have to write like crazy in order to get those ***4*** stories in by the end of the holidays. Argh! Let's see, I've got my second Undead submission to finish, my submission to Razor-edged Arcanum to finish, my submission to a vampire and werewolf anthology to finish, as well as my submission that I haven't even started to Modern Magic.

Argh. I truly hope I'll complete all these in time.

IN OTHER NEWS: I put down The Darkness That Comes Before. It was horrible. It started out quite interesting with a cool and bad-ass sorcerer, then went downhill from there. All the characters--including the barbarians--talked like complete pansies. Also, there were so many factions and Schools and churches and nations that I just couldn't keep up with it all. Plus, it was just plain boring. I will not recommend it to anyone unless they want to read a historical essay on a fantasy world.

Well, that's about all. Other than that, I started the sequal to one of my favorite epic fantasies of all time, The Rover, called The Destruction of the Books.

Take care, all.

Writing Hiatus

2004-11-09T11:01:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I know--it sucks!

Anyway, I suppose you all deserve an explanation. My computer's getting fixed up, so I won't be getting it back until another two weeks from now...my birthday. Also, I'm really starting to crack down on myself because of my grades. I'm working hard to raise them and get back to a regular 3.0-3.5 GPA status quo. It'll be long and difficult, but I'll manage. Of course, I'd have to manage it without my writing.

IN OTHER NEWS: I finished "Twilight Falling" by Paul S. Kemp, Book 1 of the Erevis Cale Trilogy. Wow. It was amazing. I can't tell you how much I love these characters. Absolutely awesome stuff. Kemp is a very, very talented author.

I also decided that I'm going to take a brief break from my usual FR reading. I just picked up "The Darkness That Comes Before" by R. Scott Bakker. It's different from what I usually read, but I'm still very interested in where the story is headed. I'll come back with another, more detailed review on it in a few days.

Once I'm done with this one I plan on returning to Erevis Cale in "Dawn of Night" book II in the Erevis Cale Trilogy. Then I'll move on to my other FR stuff that I have waiting for me.

Submitted

2004-11-06T13:12:00.000-08:00

I submitted "Exposure" to The Undead last night. Jacob, the editor of The Undead, emailed me back, confirming that he received it and that I will receive a rejection/acception email after the deadline of January 1st or possibly before that.

Anyway, last night I cranked out a couple hundred words on my next submission called "Subway of the Damned". Though I haven't written that much on it, I think I have the style I want to go with for this story down.

Till next time, folks.

Updated!

2004-11-05T10:32:00.000-08:00

Well, I've got all my links and whatnot posted. Now my life is complete. Though, I noticed while on certain computers that the links are all the way down at the bottom of the page. I tried to fix it, but it wouldn't listen to me. Oh well. Can someone email me or leave a comment so I know it looks alright? Thanks.

Inspiration, Frustration, & Irony

2004-11-01T18:03:00.000-08:00

...My life's story.

Well, I came up with a plan for my NanoWrimo book about a week ago: basically, I'd write 1,500 to 2,000 words a night, so, in the end, I'd come up with around 50k words. Today is apparently November 1st, the start of the NanoWrimo competition. I should be at home typing, but alas, I am not. Instead, I'm on someone else's computer, typing this blog, waiting for my ride home.

Sitting next to me is my cousin Curtis, who's interesting himself in a nice zombie-shooting internet game. It's funny that this little game is inspiring me. I've already finished and edited my first submission to The Undead, entitled "Exposure", and I've just finished planning out my next submission to the anthology, called "Subway of the Damned". The anthology clearly states that each contributor can submit up to three stories total. Now, you must know that whenever I get inspiration from something, I feel almost compelled to write something down similar to it. This is what's getting me ticked. I've got a novel to write this month, a submission to The Undead to finish, a submission to Razor-Edged Arcanum to finish, and several other submissions to several other anthologies to complete. I just can't see myself getting all that writing done within the next two months, since most of the deadlines to these anthologies are around that time.

Well, it just looks like I'll have to sit tight, write my arse off, eat and drink moderately, isolate myself from society and friends, and learn how to crank out a bunch of crap in a small amount of time.

Oh well, ride's here. Gotta go.

(Hopefully I'll get that two thousand words out tonight--hopefully even more!).

Happy Halloween!!!

2004-10-31T10:43:00.000-08:00

Yes, Happy Halloween to all of you! Just so all of you know, I'll be hanging out with my friends today in my pink bunny rabbit costume. I just wanted to make that a public announcement. I'm such a megalomaniac.

Writing

2004-10-30T13:58:00.000-07:00

I'm sure that some of you who've actually stumbled into this practically traffic-less blog are wondering what I've actually written. Well, to be honest with all of you, I've only had one short story published, and that was my short story entitled "Epidemic" that can be found in the Original Fiction Section at All Things Zombie. It's a zombie horror story that I wrote, so any hardcore fantasy fans might not enjoy it. For those of you that like horror, or will read anything, take a shot at it and email me at mrdude175@yahoo.com, my email address, with any comments.

Anyway, I just finished another zombie horror story called "Exposure" that runs about ten times larger in length than "Epidemic". I'm currently doing a third run-through of it, making sure it shines. After that, I plan on submitting it to The Undead, a zombie anthology that's having an open-call for zombie fiction from published and unpublished authors.

Also, I plan on submitting more horror fiction to about four other anthologies, all of their deadlines being around the end of the year, so I have to start getting on the writing. Additionally, to anyone who's pre-ordered Lords of Swords, an epic fantasy anthology, might be interested that I'm working on a submission to submit to the publisher's newest open-call anthology, Razor-Edged Arcanum.

And yes, there is something else. I am also planning on entering a contest called NanoWrimo, a contest in which anyone who participates will, starting from November 1st and ending November 30th, write a novel, the length being around 50k words and approximately 175 pages. Any participants that accomplish this goal will win money (I forgot how much--that just goes to show how much is on my plate right now).

Anyway, that's about all. Goodbye for now, viewers.

Stuff about the BLOG

2004-10-27T22:48:00.000-07:00

I'll have you all know that I'm completely and utterly computer impaired. I don't know anything about anything when it comes to computers. That results in the crappiness of the apprearance of this website. But don't worry: I'll go to my friend Kyle's house this weekend and see if he can help me out with it.

So, please wait patiently. I know you're all dying to see this site/blog in better shape.

All in good time, my sons...all in good time...

Indeed, it is quite Rancid

2004-10-26T20:02:00.000-07:00

Huh. This is quite a clean blog here. Yes, I suppose I'll take it.

Anyhoot, hello. I'm Ian Kappos, a starving high school student and wanna be fantasy and horror author. If you haven't heard of me--99.999% possible--then you might ware that I could be just a wee bit odd (compared to the norm of the human kind).

Ah well, now you've met me. Have fun, and if you so wish, come back again to see what else is going on in my wacky life.